One of the Lucky Ones
by skygirl55
Summary: "I think you need to come with us, Mr. Castle. And on the way back to the Twelfth you can tell us everything you know." Detective Kate Beckett lives in a very different world. Caskett AU
1. Chapter 1

**One of the Lucky Ones**

Detective Kate Beckett lives in a very different world - Caskett AU

See A/N at bottom of chapter for more info

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

Sitting at her desk at the Twelfth Precinct, Detective Kate Beckett shielded a yawn with the back of her hand and then pressed her hands firmly against her cheeks, giving them a somewhat aggressive rub. She was struggling— _struggling—_ to stay awake and was unfortunately only three hours into her ten-hour overnight shift—a shift that she strongly disliked. While she had yet to meet a person who enjoyed the overnight shift, Kate found it particularly unsatisfying. It was just so boring!

In some ways, she felt bad about wishing for more action during her shift. After all, as a police detective, having more action on her job meant more crime was occurring in New York City, and of course she didn't want that either. Yet, at the same time, as the wee hours dragged on and on she wasn't sure how much longer she could sit quietly in her desk chair trying desperately to stay awake.

Coffee. She definitely needed coffee.

Snagging the empty black mug from the edge of her desk, Kate began to migrate her way through the crowded seating area of the Major Crimes floor. Long before her time on the force the Homicide, Robbery, and Narcotics divisions had all been merged in to one and renamed Major Crimes. This change happened at the same time as around half the precincts were closed in the city and their jurisdiction areas redesigned. Though many tragedies had occurred over the prior few years, one of the bright spots was a reduced crime rate and thus reduced need for police presence, which was a relief to nearly all citizens, particularly after the almost full year they lived under Marshall Law.

Walking into the break room to fill her mug with coffee, Kate took a moment as she always did to pause in front of the memorial plaque hanging on the wall just inside the door. The wooden rectangular object rimmed in gold served as a reminder for all the NYPD members lost during the terrorist attack of 2025. Thousands and thousands of men had been lost, decimating the force, but the women who remained had stepped up, banded together, and kept the city going. Kate was proud of the sisterhood of officers and detectives that had formed in the wake of such a tragedy, but always took a moment to remember those who had lost their lives so senselessly.

Drifting towards the coffee maker, Kate tried to put herself in the shoes of a cop from back in those days. There would have been hundreds of more crimes to investigate—possibly even thousands. There most likely would not have been nights when she sat around bored, just hoping an email would pop into her inbox.

Since she was sixteen when the attack happened, she did have a fairly clear memory of that world. She knew her parents would never let her ride the subway at night by herself or even walk back from a friend's apartment after dark. While most parts of the city were reasonably safe during the daytime, she rarely strayed outside her neighborhood, and her parents would often talk about whether or not it was time to move out of the city and to a more low-key suburb. Then, within a period barely longer than two weeks, everything changed.

One day, Kate returned home from school and went to bed without a care. The next morning, she awoke to chaos. That night, men had flooded into the ERs of the city with Ebola-like symptoms, except Ebola hadn't been seen outside of Africa in three years and not one of the men had visited the continent. As days passed the number sick began to increase exponentially, which was alarming, but the fact that confounded authorities the most was that only men were falling ill.

By the end of the next week, the country's male population had dropped by nearly half. Kate's father and grandfather were among those lost. Families remained secluded in their homes for fear of the spreading disease. Ultimately, it was determined that a terrorist cell planted thousands of "bombs" that unleashed the airborne, highly-contagious disease. Though the bombs were only detonated once, all within a few-hour period around the country, the disease continued to spread and ultimately decimated three-quarters of the male population, with those under five and over seventy only having a two-percent survival rate.

With the country in a state of shock, the next several months passed with much confusion and uncertainty. By the end of the first year, things were slowly getting back to normal—well, the new version of "normal" with half the businesses closed and apartment buildings abandoned. Humanity muddled through, however, and Kate used the tragedy as motivation to decide upon a career path with the NYPD so that no matter what happened in the future, she would always be able to help people; to make a difference.

With a full mug of coffee in hand, Kate began to walk back to her desk only to be interrupted by one of her colleagues, a detective named Hastings. Kate liked Hastings but did find her to be a bit too green and overzealous at times. She had been on the force two years less than Kate, and if she was honest with herself Kate knew she had certainly been overzealous when trying to prove herself in that state too, so she tried to cut Hastings some slack and be supportive and helpful when she could.

"You don't have a case right now, do you?" Hastings asked her.

"No. Why?"

Hastings smiled. "Want to ride-along with me? I need to go check something out and I could use the backup."

Having no desire to continue staring at her vacant email inbox, Kate didn't hesitate to agree. She took a few sips of coffee, grabbed her badge and gun from her desk drawer, and then followed Hastings to the elevator. While they went to sign out one of the cars from the motor pool, Hastings explained the call they were about to go on.

"Over the past week there have been a series of break-ins with the same MO. A lot of pulled out drawers, flipped tables, emptied refrigerators—big messes, but in the end, not much of value taken. Further to the point, things of obvious value: jewelry, electronics, and sometimes even cash, were all left behind. The 10th chalked it up to teenagers having fun, but the same car has been reported in the neighborhoods before each robbery: a silver BMW with a broken taillight. Doesn't really seem like kids to me, so I have a BOLO out on the car and it was just spotted pulling into one of the abandoned buildings near the Hudson Yards."

"At this time of night?" Kate asked with extreme skepticism; that certainly did not go well.

A knowing smile crossed the younger woman's face. "Not just that—suspicious activity was reported there last night as well."

Kate nodded. "Okay, so maybe this is their hideout? Where they're stashing their haul?"

"Not much of a haul, but maybe."

By the time they arrived at the deserted-seeming building, Hastings had Kate fully up-to-speed with everything she knew about the case. Unfortunately for Hastings case, the BMW was nowhere in sight—if it had ever even been there at all, but the two women decided as long as they were there, they would check the place out.

Kate exited the car and held a small flashlight in her left hand while keeping her right firmly planted on the weapon in her utility belt. She and her fellow detective intended to circle the building and look in as many windows as they were able to see into, as that was all they could do without a warrant, but halfway through their search, they came upon two interesting discoveries: a cloth that appeared to be spotted with blood and a propped open door.

Crouching down on the ground, Kate pulled a pen from her pocket and used it to lift the cloth so as not to contaminate the evidence. She examined the cloth as best she could using her flashlight before gently placing it back on the ground before turning to her companion. "The blood isn't wet, but it's not discolored, so I doubt its very old."

"You think one of them hurt themselves? Maybe cut themselves on something inside?"

Kate gave a little shrug then turned her flashlight towards the popped open door. She felt a familiar prickle on the hairs at the back of her neck and huffed out a little breath. "I don't know…something about this just doesn't seem right to me." The strange location. The ransacking-without-theft MO. Her gut told her something more was going on.

Knowing she would be going against protocol, but not caring for that particular moment, Kate approached the propped open door and nudged it all the way open with her foot. Then, she stepped inside and examined the immediate area. She found herself in a very large room, but since her flashlight was small and thus not very powerful, she couldn't see much at all other than some random bits of trash. She took a few steps forward, not expecting to see anything of interest—and certainly nothing incriminating—but from the corner of her eye she saw the light of her flashlight reflecting back at her. Turning in that direction, Kate spotted what she assumed was once an office or meeting area for whatever business owned this large building. Unlike everything else in the immediate vicinity that was dingy and dilapidated, the door looked pristine—new.

Now more curious than ever, Kate slowly approached the door, barely aware that Hastings trailed just behind her. She stepped right up to it and realized that the door was actually a different color than the woodwork around it. It was painted with a pure white base coat versus the yellowed and chipped color on the woodwork. It also didn't have any scuffs or dings almost as thought it had been newly purchased at a construction supply store. What struck Kate as further odd was that not only did the door have a locking handle, but a deadbolt as well, which seemed highly unusual for an ordinary office door.

Dropping to the floor, Kate tried to shine her flashlight in the space between the door and the floor, but it was no use; the angle was too tight for her to be able to see. She sat back on her haunches for a moment as she contemplated her next move. She was silent for almost a minute before she turned to Hastings and asked, "Do you think one of those windows on the outside of the building might let us see into this office?"

"Maybe. Can't hurt to check, right?"

With that, the two women went back out the way they came and walked along the building until they believed they were even with the office area. They did find windows, but unfortunately they were up too high to see in by just standing on the pavement. After a few minutes of searching, they cobbled together a makeshift ladder by piling up leftover wooden pallets. The jury-rigged structure was clearly unstable, and thus Hastings, the smaller of the two women, climbed atop. While holding Kate's hand for support, she climbed up and stood on her toes to look into the office. She was barely tall enough to see in through the glass, but when she proclaimed, "I think…I think I see someone tied up inside!" that was the only information Kate needed to hear before the two women returned to the building. That time, Kate had her lock-picking tools in hand.

"If anyone asks," Kate said as she kneeled down in front of the door so she could begin to work on the two locks, "we heard someone crying out for help."

"Absolutely," Hastings agreed.

Though it took almost six minutes, Kate did manage to unlock both the deadbolt and door handle of the mysterious office. She then looked back over her shoulder to see that Hastings had her gun at the ready before she slowly pushed open the door and shined her flashlight into the gap. Other than a desk and two chairs pushed up against the opposite wall, Kate was unable to see anything until she opened the door all the way. There, in the corner, she discovered what Hastings glimpsed through the window. There was indeed a person tied up inside the room; it was a man who was not only bound but gagged and looking at them expectantly, clearly having heard what was transpiring for the prior few minutes.

Kate took a step into the room to ensure that the man was the only occupant before approaching him cautiously. While it was entirely possible that he was a victim, that was not a guarantee. It was also possible that he was working with the criminals and had been left behind as a decoy. She hated to think that way about a potential victim but had recently read about an old case involving that exact scenario, which made her cautious.

Crouching down in front of him, Kate shone her flashlight on the man's face and he blinked rapidly, half turning away. With that close distance, Kate could tell that the man was probably around her age, perhaps a few years older. Seeing as she hadn't seen a male her age in weeks, Kate took an extra moment to gaze at his face. He had a strong jaw, blue eyes, and a large forehead that, at that particular moment, was marred with a large cut that was crusted over with dried blood. She immediately thought of the cloth outside the door and wondered if it was saturated with his blood. Though an injury did seem to indicate that he was a victim, it was not a guarantee, so Kate remained on high alert when she reached out and removed the cloth tied around his head being used as a gag.

"Sir, I'm NYPD Detective Beckett and this is Detective Hastings. What's your name?"

He shook off her question and asked in a rather frantic, panicked way, "You found them? You stopped them?"

Kate's brow furrowed as she reached out to untie the man's hands, which were bound together and then looped around a pipe protruding from the wall. "Stopped who?"

"The couple—the couple that took me."

With the man's hands free, Kate cut the plastic ties around his ankles and then took a step back so he could stand, though she warned him, "Please stand slowly. Do you have any weapons on you?"

"Weap…no! No! It's not me—it's them. I know they're making it look like it's me, but it's not! It's not!"

At the man's frantic tone, Kate glanced briefly back at Hastings, who gave her a confused shrug. Clearly, this man was not making any sense, but Kate wasn't sure if he was actually crazy, or a victim perhaps suffering from a blow to the head. "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand what you're talking about."

Clearly frustrated, he huffed out a breath. "There's a couple—a Bonnie and Clyde type, I'd guess. They kidnapped me from my apartment today, or…or yesterday—I'm sorry; I don't know how long I've been here. The point is: they're going to replicate the crimes in my books. They're going to kill people!"

"Books?" Kate questioned as the man's story was becoming equally more confusing and intriguing.

The man bobbed his head. "I'm Richard Castle, but I publish under R. Castle; I write mystery novels."

Kate felt her cheeks flush as she knew exactly who R. Castle was. The writer, who had never been identified as male or female, though she'd always suspected he was male, was one of her favorites.

Before she could even formulate a response, the man took a step towards her, almost pleading with his hands clasped in front of him. "Please, Detective; please. You have to find them—you have to stop them. I…I don't want anyone to die—not because of me. Please."

Kate heard the genuine concern and fear in the writer's voice and felt immediately confident that he was indeed a victim. Yet, at the same time, she felt her chest constrict with fear. Clearly, they were dealing with a situation far more complex than a few B&Es.

"I think you need to come with us, Mr. Castle. And on the way back to the Twelfth you can tell us everything you know."

* * *

 **A/N:** So this story might seem slightly familiar to you...in that its kind of a combination/hybrid of Metamorphosis and Human Being/Being Human, so if you're like "been her, done that, dont feel like reading this" - that's fair, but a) this will be different than those (hint: Johanna Beckett is alive) and b) this was written late in the summer when i was STRUGGLING to write anything so the fact that I came up with 8 chapters of this is basically a miracle.

Thanks for reading! Hope you stick around for the next 7 chapters :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Sitting at her desk at the Twelfth Precinct, Kate Beckett chewed on her left thumbnail while staring at her computer screen, trying to find the best way to word an email that involved calling in a favor from a DA she'd butted heads with in the past. She didn't have a bad relationship with the woman, but their relationship certainly could not be described as good, and since her evidence teetered on the edge of being enough for a warrant, she wasn't sure the DA would go for it. She was certain the arrest would be a good one but was less confident in the wording of her email. She had a tendency to be too blunt and matter-of-fact and had a feeling this DA would appreciate a friendlier tone.

After re-reading the document for a third time, Kate groaned and raked her fingers back through her hair. It was nearly mid-day and she had lunchtime plans. Perhaps she simply needed to let the email sit for an hour or two and then the perfect wording would come to her when she arrived back at her desk. Deciding this was the best plan, Kate saved the email draft and turned towards her desk drawers to retrieve her purse when she spotted a figure standing alarmingly close. She jumped, half-gasping as she pressed her hand to her chest. "Wha—ah—when did you get here?" she stammered out.

Richard Castle merely smiled as he sat down in the chair beside his desk—the chair he now thought of as "his" no matter how much she reminded him that it wasn't. Grinning, he rested one elbow against the edge of his desk as he slid over his usual offering: a take-away cup filled with a sinfully delicious vanilla latte. The only thing that differed that morning was that he'd brought her a small cup instead of a large one, which she could only assume was due to the hour.

"Good morning, Detective."

She arched a skeptical eyebrow at him. "You realize it's nearly noon, right?"

His grin grew wider—if that was even possible. "Missed me, did you?"

She grumbled at him. "Merely pointing out a fact, Castle."

He hummed. "Well on the off chance that you did miss me, I suppose I should apologize for my tardiness. I was in the writing zone last night and didn't go to bed until nearly four, so: I'm sorry; I will try to be prompt in the future."

Somewhat shocked, she shook her head. "You realize you don't _have_ to be here. At any time. Ever. Right?"

He leaned back in his chair, folded his hands in his lap and said, "I completely and entirely disagree. I am exactly where I'm supposed to be."

That time, Kate rolled her eyes as she snagged the coffee cup and took a small sip. Damn, the man did know how to bring her _the best_ cups of coffee. It was actually annoying how much better they were than once she made—or even purchased—herself, though that seemed entirely fitting given that nearly everything about Richard Castle was…well, annoying.

Even then, nearly five weeks after they met, Kate still found it hard to believe that Castle had become such a presence in her life. She honestly wasn't sure what was more shocking: that she saw one of her favorite authors nearly every day or that she saw a man so close to her age nearly every day. Truly, it was a tossup.

Thanks to the terrorist attack of a fifteen years prior, Kate generally went days on end without interacting with any men. She only knew of two male cops at her precinct and both were rookies, so she had little interaction with them; all her coworkers were female. Everyone who lived in her building was a woman. Nearly every shopkeeper, subway operator, and medical professional she interacted with was also female. Thanks to the population density of Manhattan, the male population had been cut down to less than a quarter of what it had been, so while she probably saw a man on a street or subway at least once a day, interaction was less common. In fact, in the prior fifteen years, she could confidently say she had never once interacted with a man as much as she had interacted with Castle over the prior month. As such, his presence in her life was confusing at best.

Immediately after rescuing him from the warehouse in which he was being held captive, Kate and Hastings began quizzing Castle on everything he knew about the so-called "Bonnie and Clyde" determined to recreate the crimes from his books. As it was viewed a matter of public safety, it seemed nearly half of Kate's precinct was brought on to the case by early morning. Fortunately, through everyone's diligent work, and no small amount of assistance from the writer himself, they were able to apprehend what turned out to be a brother-sister duo before they could kill anyone.

As they wrapped up the case, Castle continually expressed his gratitude for Kate and her team, for which she was very grateful. He invited her to his apartment for a celebratory dinner, but she declined thinking it would be unprofessional. After they said their final goodbyes, Kate simply thought of the incident as an amusing tale to tell in the future—particularly since no one had actually been grievously injured. In fact, she'd told her mother right away, and they'd both been amazed by the coincidence. At that time she honestly thought she would never see Richard Castle again. Then, three days later, he walked into her precinct well-dressed in a sharp suit and with a proposition on his lips.

When Castle first asked Kate if she would be willing to let him shadow her, she honestly did not know how to respond. She had never anticipated anyone making such a request and thus found herself completely caught off guard. While she stammered about regulations and procedure, hoping to give herself a moment to fully consider the inquiry, his smile grew a little wider and he said, "Don't worry; I've already discussed it with the mayor." As it happened, the mayor was a fan.

Two days later, Kate sat in her cruiser in a state of complete disbelief while the over-excited writer sat beside her asking if he could turn on the car siren for the third time that hour. She was completely alone with a man for the first time since she was sixteen, and the most prevalent thought in her mind was that he might have been the most annoying human being she'd ever encountered. Thankfully, his excitement level moderated over the next few weeks, but he certainly was a handful and she feared he would be for the duration of their time together—however long that ended up being.

"Anyway," the writer continued after a few moments of silence, "I thought you'd be happy to know that I've moved on to the second chapter of Nikki's tale and it's really coming along quite well."

"Oh. Great," Kate responded in a tone that did not match her words. That's right—she had almost forgotten about Castle's reveal from the prior week: he was writing a book with a main character that was inspired by her and her fellow female detectives. He'd named the main character Nikki Heat—a name that made her squirm every time she heard it due to the fact that it felt the complete opposite of what a character inspired by her lift should be named, but the writer seemed determined.

In general, Kate didn't think they were far enough along in the process for her really to have sorted out her feelings on being the inspiration for the lead character in Castle's next novel. On one hand, it was undeniably flattering, particularly since he was one of her favorite authors. But on the other, perhaps more prevalent hand, she felt deeply embarrassed by the entire situation. She didn't need anyone to shadow her for research. She didn't need to be "immortalized with the written word" as he had once described it. She was just trying to be herself—to be good at her job—and to help the citizens of her home city. And, true, that did make her a better person than someone who chose to live their life committing crimes, but she did not feel she deserved the high pedestal on which the writer had placed her.

Castle smiled and leaned his arm against the edge of her desk. "I know you're still a little skeptical."

She scoffed. "A little."

His expression softened. "More than a little, but I promise, Beckett; you're going to love it."

"Time will tell," she commented under her breath before continuing at a normal decibel. "Anyway, while I appreciate the coffee I'm afraid your trip was a waste because—Mom!" Kate gasped and jumped when she saw the elder woman approaching from the direction of the elevator. She was so startled that her hand knocked against her coffee cup, causing it to teeter on the edge of falling over. Thankfully, the writer's reflexes were quick, and he was able to pull the cup to safety before any coffee spilled out. Kate hardly noticed this, however, as she was too busy panicking.

"Hello sweetheart." Her mother greeted her just as pleasant as ever.

"Wha—I…I thought you were meeting me in the lobby!"

Her mother shrugged. "There was a…skirmish of sorts down there between two women; I didn't want to be in the way, so I thought I'd just come to your desk." Looking past Kate, she smiled to the man sitting beside her desk. Stepping around behind her daughter's desk chair, she extended her hand to greet him. "Hello. You must be-"

"Richard Castle; it's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Beckett."

"Please, call me Johanna."

"Johanna," he echoed with a smile so dazzling had they been in a cartoon it would have glistened with stars.

Clearing her throat, Kate stood from her desk and pushed herself in between the other two adults. While she was certain her mother would not think too much of the incident, she was deeply concerned that Castle meeting her mother would simply be another chapter in his book, which she already feared would be too personal for her liking. "Ah, yeah as I was saying Castle: I'm meeting my mother for lunch and then I've got court prep so-"

"Say no more; I completely understand," he said, nodding his head, "but I'm afraid I must disagree with your prior statement. My trip was not at all a waste if I get to greet two beautiful women. Let me walk you out." He swept his hand in the direction of the elevators giving them no choice but to follow him. While Kate grabbed her purse from her desk drawer, Castle led her mother towards the hall. "I believe Kate mentioned you're a lawyer; is that correct?"

"Yes, though I must also confess to being quite a fan of your works."

"Really?"

"Mmhm."

"I had no idea," Castle said while giving Kate a suspicious look.

Kate straightened her spine uncomfortably and snipped, "It's not a secret it just never came up."

"I talk about my books all the time!"

She rolled her eyes as they all stepped into the elevator. During the minute-long ride down Castle asked her mother if she had read all of his books (she had) and if she had a favorite (she didn't want to choose). Finally, when they reached the lobby, Kate turned to her new shadow and said in a curt tone, "Have a good afternoon, Castle."

He gave them a little wave as he hung back to let them walk out the door first. "Until tomorrow, Detective."

* * *

"You are so mean to him," Johanna commented when they stepped out onto the sidewalk and turned left.

Kate's jaw dropped at her mother's inaccurate observation. "Mean! No—I am the exact level of politeness I should be for a department consultant—or whatever we're calling him." She was never sure how exactly to describe the untrained, unlicensed man with a distinct lack of police badge whenever they showed up to crime scenes together. It was even more difficult explaining him to the victims or victims' families they were interviewing, but she outright refused to call him by the moniker he'd requested on two previous occasions. Richard Castle was never going to be her partner.

"I see."

Kate glanced over to look at her mother, who wore a peculiar expression. "What?"

"You like him," her mother said simply, though Kate reacted as though it was a horrific accusation.

"Absolutely not; he's so annoying. He is!" She added more emphatically at the continued amusement on her mother's face. "He makes me happy that I don't interact with more men."

"Oh Katie—you don't mean that."

"I absolutely do! If they were all like him…my god, how did you stand it." She grumbled and ran her fingers back through her hair, tugging at it with frustration. She certainly had clear enough memories of her teen years to remember interacting with the boys in her class and, in most cases, she remembered them as being irritating, disruptive, and raucous. True, that was standard fair for teen boys and supposedly they did grow out of such behavior as they matured (at least, that's what she had heard at the time) but interactions with Castle made her wonder if that was really true. He might not have been sending spit balls in her direction, but arguably some of the things he did were much worse.

"He seemed nice to me," Johanna pointed out.

"I didn't say he wasn't nice he's just… overzealous, pestering and…and he absolutely cannot keep his hands to himself!"

A smirk crossed her mother's face. "Really?"

Kate huffed, flustered. "Not like that! I mean at crime scenes—he touches things at crime scenes." In fact, the last time they'd gone to a home invasion investigation together she'd made him promise to keep his hands in his pockets at all times—and threatened to super-glue them there if he didn't heed her request.

They arrived at the restaurant a few moments later, placed their orders at the counter, and then found a two-seater table to sit at. Only once they had settled in did Johanna point out, "You realize I've heard more stories about your work in the past month than I have in the prior three years."

Kate knew she could not argue this point, because she found herself calling her mother practically every other day with a, "You won't believe what Castle did now," type story, but that didn't mean she was _enjoying_ his partnership particularly since most stories were told from the standpoint of mild horror. "He is somewhat of a novelty I suppose, especially now that he's doing all this to research that book he's working on."

"Nikki Heat."

A shiver traveled down Kate's spine. "Don't say the name; the name is the worst part."

Johanna half laughed at and half scolded her daughter. "Oh, Katie you're so dramatic. It's flattering!"

Kate grumbled and propped her chin up with her fist. "It's something… I just have to keep telling myself just two more months…two more months…" That was the agreement that she and Castle came to the prior week when he brought up the subject of the book. He hedged and made excuses about not being able to control his creative process, but Kate insisted that they nail down a time frame, so they'd agreed upon two more months, after which point she hoped to have her job back to herself.

"May I make an observation?" Johanna asked as their salads were delivered to the table.

"You're going to do it anyway so go right ahead."

Smiling at her daughter, the wise lawyer said, "Is it possible that you're determined not to like him? That is: that you're looking for reasons to find him annoying or to put him down?"

Kate arched a skeptical eyebrow. "Are you saying I shouldn't be annoyed he's almost contaminated three crime scenes?"

"Not exactly. All I'm saying is: for nearly fifteen years, the men you've interacted with regularly have virtually all been criminals. Is it possible you're actively trying not to like him because of that?"

Twirling her fork between her fingers, Kate considered her mother's comment. She was right: the majority of males Kate interacted with were criminals. Of course, she didn't think Castle was a criminal. From their first interactions alone she could tell that he was a genuinely good person, but in thinking about it she realized her mother was partially correct.

"I wouldn't say I'm actively trying not to like him but… you're not entirely wrong. I guess… I guess maybe I've been thinking what's the point? He'll either be a disappointment like the others or he'll disappear in two months so why… I don't know. Why would I bother becoming close?"

Johanna frowned. "That doesn't exactly seem fair to Castle. Or, really, to anyone you'd treat with that kind of attitude. How do you know he'll be a disappointment if you don't give him a chance to prove otherwise? And considering he's been so insistent about the book being inspired by you, do you really think that he'll disappear in two months and you'll _never_ hear from him again?"

"Why would I hear from him again?"

Johanna chuckled. "I don't know…I would think at the very least he'd send you a copy of the book."

"Right." Kate sighed and poked at the shredded carrot atop her lettuce while she considered her mother's statement. She trusted her mother's judgement and had for her entire life. Of course they had some spats and disagreements during her teen years like any mother-daughter duo had, but as soon as her father passed, everything changed. Losing a partner would have been difficult enough no matter the circumstances, but with everything in the country seemingly falling apart, they were bonded all the more.

Keeping her mother's thoughts in mind, Kate decided that maybe she was being unfair to Castle by being slightly unfriendly. He had been nothing but kind to her—more than kind, actually, considering he brought her coffee nearly every time they saw each other—and thus deserved more than the bare minimum required conversation. Besides, he was, after all, one of her favorite writers. Maybe she'd actually get something out of their partnership, too.

"Just think about it, okay Katie? Male or female I'd hate for you to miss the opportunity to make an acquaintance—or, dare I say it, a friend—just because you're afraid of what they may or may not do in the future."

Kate gave her mother a small smile. "Sure Mom; I'll think about it."

* * *

 **A/N:** thank you all so much for your reviews & follows

quick note - in prepping this story to post i realized that i had 2 chapter 2's by accident, which actually means you get a bonus chapter! haha yay :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Okay, so what's our play here."

Kate glanced beside her and practically did a double-take when she saw Castle unfolding his bullet proof vest with the label "WRITER" where the word "POLICE" would normally have been printed. She hadn't even seen him bring it with him to the car! Now it was clear his intent was to put it on and she fought the urge to roll her eyes. What had she gotten herself into?

Nearly six weeks had passed since her mother had more or less called her out on her attitude and treatment of the writer. After taking two days to think it over, Kate decided that she not only needed a change of attitude, but she owed Castle an apology as well. He seemed genuinely surprised when she told him she was sorry for her harsh treatment, though not because he thought her incapable of surprising him, but because he didn't think her behavior had been that unkind. She requested that they have a fresh start to their relationship and he easily agreed.

Since that time, things had been going well between them. While he still drove her absolutely crazy sometimes, she had learned to appreciate some parts of his humor, particularly since she was not used to laughing a lot during her day. Also, once she stopped trying to find absurdities in everything he said, she discovered he actually could be quite insightful. He was quite intelligent and well-read on a number of subjects, so he could often contribute out of the box suggestions or solutions to issues that came up. Of course, his batting average wasn't that high, but sometimes just the suggestion was enough to take their case in a different, more successful direction.

Now that they were nearing the end of the pre-arranged shadow time, Kate was bordering on disappointed that the prior six weeks had passed so quickly. She wasn't quite ready to admit that she would miss Castle when he left, but her days would certainly pass more slowly. Then again, considering a few comments he'd made and the recent purchase of the bullet proof vest, something told her he would be trying to swindle his way into extending their arrangement very soon.

"Our play? _Our_ play is nothing. _I_ am going to go into that warehouse and see if this is really the Encino family's secret drug stash and you are going to wait in the car."

He clicked his tongue with annoyance. "C'mon Beckett—that's why I got the vest; so I didn't have to wait in the car anymore."

Perturbed, she rotated in her seat to face him better. "You do realize that your lack of bullet proof vest is not the only reason I made you wait in the car. You don't have training, you don't have a weapon and there could definitely be a dangerous situation in there."

"All the more reason that you need backup," he said pointedly. Then, without waiting for her to reply, he tugged the vest down over his head and began fastening the Velcro at the sides.

Not having the energy to argue, Kate threw her hands up and said, "Fine. But you'd better stay behind me at all times."

Castle grinned. "Absolutely!"

Several minutes later the duo walked down the sidewalk towards the warehouse a block away. Kate maintained high alert, watching the entrance for anyone coming or going, but she didn't see anyone so she proceeded with caution.

The NYPD had been watching the Encino family for months, certain they were the ones importing most of the "party drugs" into the city but hadn't had enough evidence to move on them. Then, a few weeks prior, a bad batch of the drugs killed one girl and sent six other teens to the hospitals where they were in critical condition for days. Only then did the DA agree that they could ramp up their searches, but the leads had been disappointing at best. Finally, Kate discovered the warehouse owned by a friend of the family, but the connection was weak at best, which meant she and her shadow needed to do some further digging.

"Remember," Kate said, hesitating just before they reached the entrance to the warehouse's property, "stay behind me." Castle gave her a thumbs up and she nodded before proceeding to the driveway.

As they walked, Kate tried to search every window and door for a possible threat but saw nothing. Just as she was about to conclude that the warehouse must be empty, the first gunshot rang out. She immediately pulled her gun from its holster and began searching for cover. Fortunately, there was a dumpster several feet away. She rushed towards it and had just about made it when another shot rang out. Suddenly, she found herself on the ground.

For a brief, horrifying moment she thought she'd been struck by a bullet, but a metal slug was not the reason she'd fallen over. Instead, it was a six-foot-one brown-haired man. Judging by the fact that she was laying on her side and he was half on top of her, Kate could only assume that he had tackled her and that was how they ended in that position.

"What are you doing? Get off!"

"They're shooting at us!"

"I know that!" she shouted back while trying to wriggle out from under him. Feeling like an eel she writhed her way forward until she felt she had a clean shot at the building while still being mostly protected by the dumpster. Again, she searched the windows for a gunman, but saw nothing. Cursing under her breath. She groped for the cell phone in her vest pocket, pulled it out, and shoved it in the direction of the writer. "Call for backup," she instructed, figuring as long as he was there, he could make himself useful.

Kate distantly heard Castle speaking to the central dispatch team while she continued her search for the source of the gunfire. Finally, she spotted movement in a second-floor window and fired two quick shots in that exact direction. Return fire was almost immediate. That time, it wasn't just a single shot, but an array of them.

"Shit!" She cursed as she ducked back behind the safety of the dumpster. A second later, she felt Castle's body covering hers again. That time, from the feel of it, he had both hands atop her head. She poked at his arms, trying to get him to release, but there was no point in calling out; he would never have heard her over the obnoxious sound of the bullets ricocheting off the metal dumpster. When the barrage stopped, Kate once again shoved herself away from Castle so she could return fire. That time, she emptied her clip in the building and shrank back behind the dumpster to reload.

For the next several minutes, their back-and-forth battle continued until Kate heard sirens indicating their backup had arrived. It wasn't until the two squad cars pulled into the warehouse's driveway that she actually let out a sigh of relief—particularly since she was down to two bullets. She shrank back behind the dumpster once more, shut her eyes, and took in a deep breath, knowing she needed to have her full wits about her before she joined her sisters in blue to bring down whatever members of the Encino family that had started this war. Before she could, however, she felt a hand pressing against each of her cheeks.

"Wha—Castle." She groaned when she opened her eyes to see him hovering above her.

"Are you okay? Did you get hit?"

"I'm fine I-"

"You look pale—are you sure you're not hit and you don't-"

"Castle!" she scolded immediately when she felt one of his hands skim across her thigh. She rolled onto her back so that she could gaze—and yell at—him more directly, only when their positions shifted, Castle's body somehow landed directly atop hers. She shifted her legs, trying to move away from him, but inadvertently caused him to nestle even further between them—to nestle so that it was almost as if he—

"Oh!" Kate let out an audible gasp at the very unfamiliar position, but then immediately felt her cheeks flooding with heat as the thought foremost in her mind was _entirely_ inappropriate for any situation let alone one as serious as they one they found themselves in.

Thankfully, Castle picked up on nothing inappropriate, for his face only registered concern. "You are hurt! What-"

"I'm not hurt—you're crushing me!" she snapped.

"Oh. Sorry." He apologized as he rolled to the side and clambered up in to a crouch, so she could do the same.

Looking at him directly she said, "Stay here and don't move until I come and get you." Then, with that, she picked up her weapon and reentered the fray.

* * *

Standing in the breakroom at the Twelfth waiting for a new pot of coffee to brew, Kate chewed on her bottom lip as she reviewed the prior few hours in her mind. Thankfully, with regards to her case, everything turned out well. One of the hostiles had been killed, another wounded, and two more arrested for their numerous crimes. The NYPD had come away with no injuries and several cases full of drugs that would no longer be on the street harming anyone. Considering it was a near runaway success, Kate should have been pleased. Instead, she felt unsettled, but she had to admit her feelings had absolutely nothing to do with the case.

No matter how much she tried, Kate could not stop thinking about Castle's close proximity to her during the ordeal. Before the moment he'd tackled her—something he'd later described as "pure instinct"—they'd barely shared more than a handshake, but behind the dumpster he'd been so…close. More than close considering he ended up fully laying on top of her, his torso covering hers, and his leg—

No. No she couldn't think of that. Not then. She needed to keep her head clear so that she could finish up her reports. She needed to get some distance so she could think about her feelings rationally and not react emotionally. She needed—

"Here!"

"Ah! God! Castle!" Kate yelped and then groaned when she became startled by Castle's voice. She had no idea how she had failed to hear him enter the room—she had been too consumed by her thoughts, obviously—but not only had he snuck up on her, but he'd ended up right beside her holding out a take-away coffee cup in his hand.

When she met his eye, he quirked his lips in a half smile and said, "Didn't mean to startle you. Just thought you might want some of the good stuff after the morning we had."

"I, ah…thank you," she said before accepting the cup and giving him a nod of appreciation. She took a sip, but finding it still a little too warm, she placed the cup down on the counter and rested her hand beside it while she waited for the coffee pot to finish brewing. Even though she wouldn't be drinking it, she was sure someone would. Besides, she needed to wait so she could empty the filter and throw away the grounds, per the office protocol.

"Can I ask you something I didn't really want to ask before?"

"What's that?"

"Does that happen a lot? A shootout like that, I mean."

Kate glanced over her shoulder and gave him a small shake of her head. "No. Thankfully."

He hummed. "I figured with all the NYPD's gun buy-back initiatives and all."

"Plus women were already less likely to own firearms and with the dramatic drop in crime rates, they didn't feel the need to own them—at least, not after the initial wave fifteen years ago," she said, referencing the point in time right after the terrorist attacks when many, especially those with children, felt the need to arm themselves for fear of someone worse happening in the near future.

"Well, that's definitely good to know. I don't really want to experience that again if I don't have to."

"No. It's definitely…upsetting." She sighed as she pulled the filter out of the coffee maker and carried it over to the trash. When she turned back around, she found the writer standing a little bit too close to her as though he was about to pull out a magnifying glass and examine the pours on her face. "What are you-"

"Are you sure you're okay, Kate? We can talk about it if you want."

"Wha—no. I'm fine," she replied, twisting her body so that she could step around him and return to the coffee waiting for her on the counter.

"Really? You look a little flushed."

"Well, you just startled me and you're…you're crowding me."

Castle looked down at the floor, almost as though he was measuring their distance, and then back up to her, his brow slightly wrinkled. "Not really. I'm not standing that close—especially not compared to earlier when—oh! Oh I see!" He smiled and chuckled to himself, almost as though he'd just heard the punchline of a very good joke.

Her tone slightly annoyed, Kate planted a hand at her hip and asked, "What do you see, Castle?"

He took a step close to her. "You're not rattled because of the gunfire, but flustered because of…well, me."

"What does that even mean?"

Again, he took a step. "How long has it been since a man has been on top of you, Beckett?"

If Kate's jaw had been able to fall any further, it may have hit the countertop. As it was, her mouth hung agape; she could hardly believe the question that had come out of his mouth and its bold insinuation. "Excuse me?!"

He grazed his eyes up and down her body and continued with, "Has that ever happened?"

Knowing her cheeks were beginning to feel a flame, she straightened her spine and began, "I have no idea what you think-" but he interrupted her.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. You were, what? In your mid-teens when it all went down? Then, in New York with the male population being reduced so dramatically, there are plenty of women who never-"

"Stop." She commanded. "This discussion is entirely inappropriate."

He shrugged, seeming more amused than anything else. "It was just a question, Beckett."

"No, it was an inappropriate question especially—especially since this is my place of work!"

"Technically," he began, leaning just a little bit closer to her, "this is the break room."

A growl escaped Kate's lips. The nerve of him to ask such a thing! He was riling her up on purpose now that he'd found a button he could push that she didn't like him pushing. Worse, she was letting him. "Listen, Castle, this…this…whatever we have here-"

"Partnership," he jumped in.

"Wha—no. No. Not a partnership. A working relationship emphasis on the _working_. This is a professional environment and we need to be professional."

"I see. So," he paused to rest his hand against the counter just a few inches from hers. He arched his body forward and dipped his chin so that his lips were just inches from hers. Kate swallowed involuntarily. "What if we weren't in a professional environment? What if we were, I don't know, say…huddling behind a dumpster."

"With bullets flying at us?" she snipped in an attempt to deflect him so that she could have a moment—one single moment!—to attempt to calm her hammering heart.

He tiled his head. "Without the bullets. Let's just say it was just you and I and maybe," he reached out his hand to stroke his fingertips down the outside edge of her arm, and every muscle in Kate's body seized up. She had no idea what he was playing at, but she knew she had to cut him off before anything further happened.

"Stop," she said, taking a purposeful step back. "Please."

To her slight surprise, Castle backed off immediately. He took two steps away and raised his hands defensively at his sides.

"I'm sorry if…if I made you feel uncomfortable."

She nodded and then picked up the take-away coffee cup and saluted him with it. "Thanks for the drink; I appreciate it."

He folded his hands in front of him, blinked slowly, and said, "Always."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"…and he just dove on top of me!"

Johanna's eyes lit up and she gasped, "You're kidding!" from across the table.

Kate groaned and rubbed her hand across her neck. Even a week after the incident she still had trouble believing Castle had tackled her the way he had. Then again, it was ridiculous enough to fit his personality. "I wish. He…he said it was instinctual—that he was protecting me and he…he's being more insistent than ever about us calling ourselves partners."

Johanna gazed across her coffee cup wisely as she took a sip. "Sounds like you already are."

Kate pressed her lips together and drummed her fingers against her coffee mug. Her mother was entirely right; by all intents and purposes, Castle was her partner. They spent the majority of her working hours together. He sat in the chair beside her. They discussed all her cases. In fact, the only sense in which he was not her partner was the fact that he never did any paperwork. As she had never really had a one-on-one partner before (her department generally worked as a collective team), she was resistant to the idea, but as the weeks went on she found herself more easily accepting his assistance, and even asking for him to join her on cases if they were particularly strange or unusual. Of course, it was still a little odd since he was not actually employed by the department, but he was such a constant presence it still seemed like he could be.

As much as she had accepted his assistance on cases and with interviewing victims and suspects alike, days like the one on which they'd been shot at still served as a strong reminder that Castle was not part of the NYPD. He had no firearms training. He had not taken classes on hostage negotiation or talking jumpers off ledges. True, he would never be doing any of those things alone, but even being near dangerous situations—particularly those with flying bullets—put him in danger of accidentally doing the wrong thing, which had her once again second guessing whether or not he should be her partner in the field.

"Yeah, I…yeah."

"What is it?" her mother asked.

Kate shook her head gently. "He shouldn't have done that—dove on top of me. He…he should have been trying to keep himself safe first."

"What he did was very noble and brave."

"That's not the point; he's still a civilian."

Johanna nodded. "He's an intelligent man; I'm sure by now he fully understands and accepts the risks."

Kate let out a breathy laugh. "Does he? Some days I think he still believes we're playing cops and robbers, but those were real bullets and…and maybe he just shouldn't have been in that situation at all."

"You seem to be resisting the idea that he tried to help save you from injury a little hard, Katherine."

She gave her mother a slightly impatient expression. "I appreciate what he did—I do! It just…it wasn't exactly appropriate. At one point he was completely lying on top of me and…and-never mind."

"No, I think you should continue," Johanna said, using the tone Kate recognized as her "lawyer voice."

Already feeling her cheeks begin to heat she muttered, "Just forget it," but of course her mother did not.

"It's okay to be attracted him, Katie. In fact, it's natural."

Kate half choked on the coffee she was sipping. "I—I'm not. I'm not attracted to him. He's…I mean, he's absolutely—and I really don't…it… I was just surprised." She concluded, once again flustered at the memory of the tingles she felt between her thighs that, yes, she had finally admitted to herself was some sort of attraction. Naturally, she brushed it off as simply being a physiological response to the fact that they inadvertently ended up in an intimate position and Castle was a man who was not entirely hideous to her—not to mention the only man who had been in that sort of position in quite some time.

An amused expression crossed Johanna's face. "Surprised because he landed on top of you?"

"Well yes, obviously, but…I…" She huffed out a breath and ran her hand across her jaw before confessing. "I was surprised because I felt something I hadn't in years, which in the moment felt slightly insane because not only were there bullets flying at us, but I…I thought I still found him annoying until…" She shut her eyes and gave her head a quick shake as though trying to reset her brain. "It must have been a momentary weakness."

"Was it momentary? Doesn't have to be."

Kate groaned. "Mom."

"What? Would it really be the worst thing?"

Kate scrunched her nose and felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle. "It's creepy."

Johanna's eyes widened. "Creepy? How? He's a very nice man who is rather easy on the eyes."

"Mom!"

She laughed. "What? It's true, isn't it?"

Kate chose not to answer her mother's question directly. Instead, she explained her prior statement. "It's creepy because of how our relationship developed. He started shadowing me for research and then he decided to develop this character. Let's…let's say for the sake of argument that he is attracted to me. It's not _me_ it's the books or the character or…I don't know how this works for writers, but one thing I know for certain: it's not real. It wouldn't be real."

As Castle had never been shy about complimenting her on her investigative skills and tactics, Kate felt reasonably confident in her deduction that he liked her in more than just a platonic way, but at the same time she did not believe those feelings were real in the long-lasting sense. Clearly, if he didn't find her interesting, attractive, or inspiring in any way, he would not have wanted to keep shadowing her let alone be inspired to write a character like her. She understood and accepted that, but also felt it was a flash in the pan. Something he was wrapped up in while writing the book but would then quickly fade away as soon as he was done.

Johanna was silent for almost a minute before she spoke again. "Okay, then let me play devil's advocate a moment. Say that's true. Say it's all just...lust. He's fantasizing about a character and by extension you and he wants to act on that fantasy. Let's even say for the sake of argument that he's up front about that. He says, 'Kate, let's have a fling.'"

Kate arched one eyebrow at her mother's hypothetical scenario. "Has anyone in the history of time ever said that?"

She gave a conceding nod. "Okay, then he says, 'Kate, let's fuck.'"

As her mother did not typically use such graphic language, Kate felt as though she'd been prodded with an electric shock. Mortified, she clapped her palms against her cheeks and moaned, "Oh my god, Mom! Please never say that again!"

Johanna raised a challenging eyebrow. "You clearly know what I'm getting at. So what would you say?"

She didn't need to think for more than a few seconds before replying. "No. I… don't want that. I'm sure plenty of other women would but I…"

Kate took a moment, not quite sure how to put into words the still-raw feeling aching deep in her chest of watching nearly every man she'd ever known fall ill, suffer, and then ultimately pass away. She understood that such an event was unlikely to repeat itself, but that didn't mean she could lose a potential mate in another, equally heartbreaking away again. The pain she'd suffered at the tender age of sixteen was something so all-consuming that she never wanted to face it again. Of course, that did not mean that she never again wanted to become close to another human, male or female, but it did make her selective, and she feared the fling her mother suggested would end in a ball of fire, searing her already wounded heart into a pile of charcoal too damaged to be repaired.

"I want—I need—something more than that."

Her mother smiled. "That's perfectly fine too, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"And what if he wants more too?"

Kate laughed at the suggestion. The man who smiled and flared with every single one of her coworkers? No chance of that. "Please. He wouldn't…he doesn't…He wouldn't be interested. He…He doesn't want to end our partnership." The change in direction of their conversation was so abrupt Kate nearly startled herself, but the words came out of her mouth almost without permission. Despite this, she was glad; glad to talk it over with someone she trusted before an actual decision needed made.

"What? Did he tell you that?"

Kate shook her head. "Our last week is supposed to be next week but he…I'm going to his place for dinner tonight. When he invited me a few days ago, he said he wanted to use the dinner to thank me, to show his appreciation but…the way he was acting. He wants to extend our partnership, I think."

"You're going to say yes," she concluded.

Kate smiled softly. She had been debating to herself for two days, but when it came right down to it, she asked herself if she would miss him if after the following week she never saw him sit beside her desk and smile, and the truth was: she would. He was overzealous and annoying and could be a total pain in her ass, but he'd also made her laugh until tears rolled down her cheeks at least once a week, and that was something she hadn't had in as long as she could remember. Still, she tried to keep her response casual. "Well, if he's going to write a book about me I want it to be as accurate as possible."

Amused, her mother said, "Naturally."

"So I guess if he needs a few more weeks that's…that's okay with me."

"Glad to hear it."

"But I'm sure he'll just want to shadow me until he gets further along in the book."

"You don't think he'll ask you to spend the night?"

Kate felt her heart stutter beneath her ribcage at such a shocking notion. "God no! His mother and daughter are going to be there. And that's not what I meant—I was talking about in general. He'll shadow me until he's comfortable with the book and the character and then our partnership will end, I guess. He probably wants that, too. I mean, he definitely seems like a "play the field" type of guy and why wouldn't he be? He literally has tens of thousands of women to choose from."

A knowing smile crossed her mother's face. "Oh I think he's made his choice."

"Stop," Kate grumbled at her, but of course her mother had to make one last comment.

"I'm just saying if you want my opinion: it's not just the books, Katie."

* * *

"Oh here. Let me help with that." Kate popped out of her seat the moment she caught sight of Castle picking up the now-empty dinner plates. She grabbed her plate and the empty plate that had once held garlic bread, but Castle shook his head at her.

"No need to help, Kate; you're a guest."

"I don't mind." She continued her efforts and carried both plates to the kitchen, following Castle's daughter's lead and leaving them on the counter beside the sink. Just the three of them remained after Castle's mother had ducked out early to go to rehearsals for the play she was in. Though Kate had only meet Martha Rodgers once previously, Castle's warning of, "She's quite a handful," had certainly proved accurate as she dominated at least half of that evening's conversation. Once she had left, however, Kate thoroughly enjoyed her chat with Castle's daughter who was just as wonderful as Castle promised her to be. In fact, the whole evening had been enjoyable.

Before she arrived that evening Kate had to admit to being nervous as to what facing a trio of Castles would mean, but her uncertainties evaporated almost immediately, for they were truly a friendly and welcoming bunch. She was also quite pleased to see how demure and genuine the writer could be in the presence of the two main women in his life. While he still cracked a few jokes, she truly believed it was the realist she'd seen him—and she liked that side of him. He was sweet, caring, and clearly endlessly proud of his daughter; watching them interact was quite endearing.

Watching him with his family, Kate thought for the first time that perhaps her assessments about his personal life were incorrect. As she had told her mother earlier that day, she had previously seen Castle as a flirtatious man who thoroughly enjoyed the fact he existed as one of the few males in his age group in the city. She never though he abused his position but certainly thought he used it to his advantage. Now, after seeing him with his family, she thought that maybe that flirtatious persona was more of an act, and he would be willing to settle down with one woman. Whether he wanted her to be that woman or if she even wanted to be that woman were questions she was not yet ready to ponder, but still she was glad to have experienced the private version of him.

"Well, I have homework, so I'll say goodnight—but it was really nice to have dinner with you, Kate. Maybe we can do it again?" Alexis said to her.

"Definitely." Kate nodded. The girl smiled, then kissed her father's cheek and bid him goodnight before disappearing up the stairs to her room. Turning back to Castle, Kate said, "Well, you definitely didn't undersell how incredible she was."

A breathy half-laugh escaped his lips. "That's kind of you to say. I know I can be an obnoxious gloating father at times…"

She gave him a playful look. "Maybe, but I can definitely let it slide now that I know how genuine you're really being."

"Thank you. Truly. Being a single father was rough, especially during her pre-teen and early-teen years, but now I can definitely look back and say it was worth it, and everything worked out as it should."

Kate bobbed her head. She knew very little about Alexis's father, mostly because the writer didn't talk about it much, and she understood the importance of keeping family matters private. She did know that he had been divorced since Alexis was young and his ex-wife was not a frequent visitor in their lives. Though he never said it outright, from his tone Kate got the impression he was glad for this, which made her wonder what kind of person his first wife had been. The investigator within her hoped that someday she might find out.

"So, um, more wine?" he asked, nodding to the glass she held, which had barely a sip left in it.

"Oh." She gazed down at the glass but then shook her head. With his mother and daughter gone, she figured it was time for her to leave as well. "I shouldn't."

"C'mon." He enticed with a wining smile. He walked over to the open bottle on the counter and held it up. "There isn't much left in here. Let's just split it to finish the bottle."

"I...okay." She agreed but didn't feel that her arm had been twisted too much. The wine was delicious, and it wasn't as though it would be a whole glass.

After he'd split the remaining wine between the two glasses, Castle held his up to begin a toast. "I'd like to once again thank you for coming and for letting me shadow you these past three months. I…you know, that night we met, I was just so relived that you and your team would be helping me, would be stopping those terrible people from turning my books into horrifying realities for innocent people… I had no idea that meeting you would actually be one of the most important things that ever happened to me."

Feeling her cheeks flush, Kate dropped her chin and said. "Oh, wow. I don't know about that…"

"But it's true," he continued confidently. "I'd been struggling to write for months before we met and then through shadowing you I found inspiration. For that, I'll always be grateful. And I do hope this experience hasn't been too painful for you."

Kate took a sip of her wine before placing the glass on the counter and confessing, "No, I suppose it hasn't. I definitely appreciate the assistance you've provided those one or two times."

"One or two—oh. Funny." His horrific rebuttal disappeared the moment he caught her smile and realized she was teasing him. He finished off his wine glass before leaning his hip against the counter and saying, "Can I ask you something?"

Kate felt butterflies float through her stomach and up into her esophagus as she nodded.

"Well, I know we…we kind of agreed on a firm timeframe upfront—and that's fine. I'm sure you want me out of your hair. But I was thinking maybe—it doesn't have to be every day like it is now—maybe just a few times a week? If we could continue, that is. I really think that working with he NYPD is good for my creative juices and I'd like to think that I'm helpful sometimes. Occasionally. At least, not entirely unhelpful and-"

"Castle," she cut him off, desperate to stop his rambling, even if it was a little bit cute. "It's okay; you can keep shadowing me."

His face lit up as though she'd presented him with The Holy Grail. "Really?"

She bit down on her bottom lip and gave her head a gentle nod. "Yeah, really."

Bouncing up on his toes a little, he continued. "Are you sure? I know we've been doing a lot better together, but you're still annoyed with me sometimes and I-"

"Castle—don't talk me out of it," she warned.

He beaned. "Right. Sorry. And thank you. I really, really appreciate it Beckett."

"Yes well…You're really not that bad of a partner, you know. I mean…it's nice, having a laugh at work. I never really had that before. And, yes, you have been helpful—very helpful. I…though I'd certainly never admit this to the Captain, but I think it's actually been good to have someone like you around our team. We all went through the same training, so we can have some group-think at times that stalls our cases, but you bring something fresh to the table and that's something we've all benefited from. I…what?" she asked finally when she could not interpret the positively dorky smile across his face that was ever-widening.

"You just called me your partner."

"I…" She began slightly surprised at herself, but then she realized she had said exactly that, and didn't feel the need to take it back. "I guess I did."

"So we have a deal then? I can keep shadowing you for my research?"

"Yeah; deal."

He extended his right hand to her and asked, "Partners?"

She slipped her right hand in his and gave it a shake. "Partners."

He chortled with excitement. "It's going to be great Beckett—so great!"

"Whatever you say, Castle," she said, her tone a bit flippant, but even as she turned to leave for the evening the smile never once left her face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Kate Beckett stalked down the New York City sidewalks at a near blinding pace. All she needed to do was get through the last three hours of her shift, and then she would be free for two whole days. She had never needed a weekend more (even if that "weekend" was actually a Wednesday and Thursday due to her ever-rotating schedule.)

The sun was shining, the air temperature pleasant, and there were chirping birds on many of the street lamps and road signs. All in all, the day was delightful and her mood should not have been sour, but it was thanks to…extenuating circumstances. And the frustrating witness interview had done nothing to improve her mood.

On any other day, interviewing the elderly Mrs. Klein about what she did or did not see during her mugging would have only been mildly annoying and she certainly could have smiled her way through it. That day, it grated on her every nerve. She had to admit to being thankful that her partner joined her on the interview and somehow knew just when to interject and temper the situation before Kate lashed out—even if doing so to a victim would have been entirely inappropriate. But she just couldn't help herself! She didn't want to help brush Mrs. Klein's three long-haired dachshunds or sip coffee from grounds that were probably close to a decade old. She just wanted to get in, get a statement, and leave and forty minutes later she'd finally accomplished that.

Consumed with her annoyance and already pre-writing her report in her mind, Kate had almost completely forgot about the fact that her partner still trailed behind her until they needed to wait at a crosswalk and his arm brushed up against hers. Kate glanced up to see that his expression indicated he was certainly enjoying the pleasant day, but even his smile didn't lighten her mood. Though she did make a mental note to thank later on him for helping with the interview; he definitely deserved to know how appreciative she was of how he handled himself—and her.

They crossed the street when the light turned and continued up the next block. They needed to separate to walk around a woman trying to wrangle her son into a stroller and before they could join up and walk side by side again, two boys Kate guessed to be around sixteen or seventeen whizzed by on scooters. As they passed, one knocked into Kate's shoulder so violently that she actually stumbled backwards. She managed to right herself while screaming out, "Hey! This is a sidewalk! Damn kids," she added a bit quieter.

"You okay Beckett? I don't think those kids were paying attention to where they were going," Castle said as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder as though he was examining it for a wound.

She shrugged off his touch and continued stomping her way uptown. "They were being jackasses."

"They're just kids," he commented, though a bit weakly after she shot him an irritated glare. She heard him sigh and then, when they came to the next street corner, he asked, "Anything I can do to make your day go better?"

She folded her arms over her chest and give a bitter snort. "No, Castle, there is not. Sometimes, a bad day is just a bad day. You can't make everything better all the time, you know? You're not Mister Fix-It. And you know sometimes people—Jesus! ARE YOU FUCKING—GOD!" Kate screamed obscenities when she felt an uncomfortable wet splat against her cheek and realized its source: a low-flying pigeon overhead.

As she had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk to shriek at the creature that had already flown off, Castle nearly walked into her. When he righted himself and caught a look at her face, he tried to suppress a guffaw. "Oh my god."

"ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?" she snarled, incensed.

He held his hands up in defense. "No, no I am absolutely not laughing. I mean, maybe a little bit. No Beckett c'mon." He grabbed her arm when she tried to turn away and she growled again. Undeterred, her held her arm a bit firmer in his grasp. "C'mon—let me help you."

"No." She half whimpered as she felt some of the residue drifting further down her cheek. "You'll make it worse."

"I will not. C'mon—I have a kid remember. I can deal with messes. We just need to…" He paused and looked up the street for a moment before proclaiming, "Ah!" and beckoning her forward.

Too horrified to really protest, she followed, shuffling her feet along the sidewalk, not really caring where he was leading her. As it turned out, it was a Subway restaurant; he told her to wait outside while he ran in. A minute later he returned with several napkins balled together. He instructed her to turn and put the dirty side of her face in his direction. Then, he began to strategically wipe around her temple and cheek. She was actually surprised to realize that one of the napkins was wet. While she had no idea how he managed to collect wet and dry napkins so quickly, she began to feel guilty about how she'd been jumping down his throat just a few minutes earlier. She only lashed out at him because he was the only person within arms' reach and now he was helping her without even being asked.

"So, when was Alexis shat on?" she asked in reference to his 'handling messes' comment.

He turned away momentarily to throw the dirty napkins in a nearby trashcan. "Oh, it happens all the time at our beach house. Not really a big deal there—you just wash it off in the ocean. She never got it in her hair, though."

Kate grumbled as the notion that there was bird shit in her hair hit her once more. "Lucky."

"She would not have been amused, that's for sure." He used one more napkin on her cheek before stepping back and examining his work from a different angle. He gave a little shrug and then tossed the remaining napkins in the trash. "Well, it's probably not perfect, but I got most of it. It'll at least get you back to the Twelfth."

"Thank you. And…" She took a deep breath and rounded her shoulders, a bit guilty. "I'm sorry I snipped at you before. I didn't mean it. I…I've just been having one of those 'wrong side of the bed' days, I guess."

He brushed off her apology. "It's fine; we all have our bad days."

She resisted the urge to comment that he didn't seem to have any and instead said, "Still, I shouldn't have treated you that way."

Again, he shook her off, but that time, as he did so, he stepped in surprisingly close to her. "It's fine. I know that wasn't the real you. I know that you're actually-"

Castle had just lifted his hand to brush some of the hair back away from her face when they were both startled by a loud shriek of, "Jesus! Right here? On the street? Get a damn room!"

Dumbfounded, Kate looked in the direction of the sound and spotted a tall, thin woman with sharp features and a disgusted expression glaring at them from a few feet away. "Excuse me?" Kate said on instinct as her brain was still processing what was going on.

The woman gestured sharply towards castle and then shook her head in an almost nauseated way. "You don't have to flaunt your boyfriend in front of everyone, lady."

Feeling rage once again bubbling up inside her, Kate stepped forward while simultaneously pulling off the badge clipped to her belt. Holding it at face level, she spat, "He's not my boyfriend and it's detective."

The woman immediately went ashen, turned on her heel, and hurried down the street so quickly, Kate was almost surprised she didn't outright run. Then, looking back to her rather shell-shocked looking partner, she threw her hands up in the air and proclaimed, "Jesus! Is it a full moon?"

"I, ah…not for eight more days," he stammered out.

Kate rolled her eyes as her hardened exterior walls rose up around her once more. "Of course, you memorize lunar cycles. God, let's just get back before we're taken hostage or something." With that, she continued her walk uptown and didn't even bother to turn around to see if her partner was following her.

* * *

After saving and closing her interview report, Kate clicked over to her email box to see if any new messages had arrived; they hadn't. She then gazed to her left for the first time in perhaps twenty-or-so minutes to see that her partner still sat in the chair beside his desk in nearly the exact same position he'd been in the last time she looked. In that time, he hadn't said one word, which was quite atypical, leading to think that something was actually wrong.

An hour earlier, they'd arrived back at the Twelfth and she had gone immediately to the bathroom to wash her face and the part of her hair that had been christened by the bird. She'd half expected her partner to be gone by the time she arrived back at her desk, but he was still there. He said he wanted to stay in case she needed his help to fill in the holes in her report since she, in his kind words, wasn't having the best day.

While she didn't actually need much help, she appreciated his loyalty and asked him a few follow up questions simply to make him feel needed. While he did answer them, it was with a distinct lack of his usual exuberance, which she didn't initially put much stock in, but thinking back, his attitude seemed so dramatically different than when he'd been helping her clean up and—oh.

He had been touching her face. Thanks to the woman intent on throwing vitriol in their general direction, she'd nearly forgotten, but he had been, and not just when he was trying to clean off what the bird had left behind. Just as he seemed poised to compliment her he'd been touching her face gently—delicately. Almost as though he… No. No—that was silly. But there was definitely something wrong and she owed it to her partner to find out what.

She cleared her throat to call his attention away from the distant wall he was gazing at and said, "You've been quiet."

"Wha…I… I mean, I've just trying to give you some space."

She arched one eyebrow in his direction. "Since when? Seriously—what's going on with you?"

"It's nothing."

His tone was clipped and evasive and since she'd never before heard that from him, she knew something was actually going on—and imagined it was rather serious. They hadn't really had a serious conversation—not that she was opposed to it—but she felt they were on the precipice of one. Given that, she felt it only fair to own up to a serious confession of her own.

Never in her life had Kate been a heart-on-the-sleeve type of person—not even before her father's death. She was reserved and contemplative as a child. Sure, she laughed and had fun, but trusting never came easily and it certainly didn't after the world went sideways. She didn't like to show emotions or reveal her true feelings, because she believed doing so opened herself up to being hurt, and that was the last thing she wanted. In fact, it could have been argued that almost everything she did actively prevented herself from being hurt, but she also knew that bottling up all those emotions could eventually be detrimental.

She gazed at him for several moments, playing chicken with herself as she dared the words to come out of her mouth. Finally, she shut her eyes and momentarily clenched her fists before she simply let go. "I'm having a bad day because my father's birthday is in three days and missing him always makes me want to lash out at anyone or anything close by when it all feels—when it feels like it's going to boil over inside of me. Once again, I'm sorry that I took it out on you." She let a beat go by before blinking and saying, "Your turn."

Castle gazed at her for a minute seeming rather startled by her confession (not that she could blame him). Then, he brushed one hand beneath his chin and spoke. "The way that woman accosted us on the street. It's…. it's happened to me before when I was with my former wife. And my former fiancée. Actually, it's one of the reasons that relationship never made it to marriage. And, to be entirely honest, it was the main contributing factor in why my last girlfriend broke up with me—according to what she told me, anyway."

Kate leaned back in her seat as she processed the information. Though she'd been too generally enraged at the time to realize, the woman who accosted them had accused them of being them a couple. Though they were not romantic in any way, given his history, Kate imagined that did not make the woman's comments sting any less—and it certainly explained his solemn attitude that afternoon. Thinking in more general terms, Kate could not say she was entirely shocked by the way the strange woman had come at them. Though she had not personally experienced, she had heard stories.

"I guess I didn't really think of it that way. I was too generally mad, I suppose, but I'm not shocked. I've heard of plenty of women fighting over a man. I think there was even a case back when I was a rookie where one sister killed another because she wanted to marry her sister's husband."

"Hmm yeah. I'd believe it. It…" He paused for a moment, clearly struggling with his feelings. "It's strange. I'm certainly well aware of the fact that there aren't many men my age. Jealousy between women vying for my attention has never been well-hidden, but the…the viciousness of it surprises me sometimes; the aggression. I don't…I don't like conflict, never have and I certainly don't want to be the cause of conflict, but I… I can't live my life alone. I don't want to, and I shouldn't have to. It's… a difficult road to navigate."

She offered a gentle smile. "I can imagine."

"And," he continued with a deep sigh. "If I'm being entirely honest: I've found dating difficult in the wake of how my last relationship ended. I feel like I'm just gearing myself up for another heartache, which was why that woman's comments hit me a little hard—just felt like reinforcing my fears. Ah, sorry," he apologized, and if she was not mistaken his cheeks were actually a little pink. "Didn't mean for this to take such a serious turn."

Kate reached out and placed her hand on his forearm, which rested against the edge of his desk. "Don't apologize, Castle; I really appreciate you telling me. And I'm sorry you've had so many bad experiences. I… I think in the immediate aftermath of everything all us women really did build a community and we stood together, supporting each other. It's a shame that we lost some of that—that we can't just be happy for two people who have found love and happiness. And I really do hope you find that again."

He smiled. "Thank you. And thank you for telling me about your father. Will you and your mother be doing something special to honor him?"

"Ah, well, kind of. His… his favorite dessert was strawberry cheesecake, so that's what he got on his birthday so…so Mom and I usually get a slice and split it."

"That's great; glad to hear it."

"You lost your father too, I assume."

Somewhat surprisingly, he shrugged. "Maybe. I wouldn't know; I never met him."

Kate's jaw fell an inch, shocked that she had known him for four months and had yet to learn that fact about him. "You—you never…?"

"No. Don't even know who he is—and neither does Mother. They only spent one night together."

"You're kidding!"

"No."

"I…wow. I—sorry. I didn't realize or I wouldn't have brought it up."

He shook his head gently. "Don't worry about it. I'm not ashamed or upset by it; it's simply part of my story."

"Part of your story…" She echoed.

"Yep. Well, ah, I guess I should get going—unless you need me for the report still?"

"No, no; I submitted it already. Thanks for your help today, Castle."

He nodded and stood, saying, "Until tomorrow, Detective."

"Yeah," she sighed out. Then, she watched him go, feeling more intrigued than ever to know more about "his story."

* * *

As always - thank you for reading & reviewing!


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Slipping into an alleyway that was mercifully empty, Kate walked several feet in and then stopped, leaning her back against the cool brick wall as she regulated her breathing. God, her chest was so tight. Why did all her clothing seem so tight?

Without really thinking she began to unbutton her shirt. She didn't stop until she'd pulled the tails out from where they were tucked into her pants leaving her exposed but for a white lace camisole. As the cool fall air danced across her chest, Kate shut her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall, finally able to breathe. She didn't have many panic attacks on the job—didn't have many at all, actually—but she had been triggered by the horrific crime scene at which a father and his young daughter had been gunned down by the crazed wife and mother. She had tried to turn the gun on herself but missed and shot into a passing taxi instead (thankfully, no one else was injured).

Kate managed to keep it all together and bottle it up inside as she helped cordon off the scene, talk to witnesses, and escort the murderous woman to a waiting squad car. The killings did not fall in her jurisdiction, so thankfully she did not need to interview and process the woman, but she did need to stay behind and watch over the scene while it was processed. Only when she watched the medical examiner's office load the body of the girl she guessed to be no older than four or five into a black body bag did Kate escape. She needed a moment to collect herself and grieve for the horror she had seen.

Though she very much doubted they were easy for anyone, Kate found child murders to be the most difficult. There was just something about a life ending before it even began that felt like the extra twist of a knife on an already difficult wound. While the little girl's death was horrible, for some reason that day Kate found the young father's death even sadder. She believed that her working relationship with Castle fueled these feelings in no small way. Being around him over the prior five months had opened her eyes to things she had never conceptualized before, and for that reason alone she was grateful.

Kate doubted she was in the alley more than a few minutes before she heard footsteps approaching. She opened her eyes with a gasp, but immediately saw there was no reason to worry. It was only her partner, who had evidently snuck around the police tape now that the scene was being cleaned up. For once, she didn't even mind that he went against protocol. "I'm sorry. I just—I couldn't—I-"

"Hey, it's okay. Deep breaths, Kate; it's okay." His voice was calm and soothing as he approached. He placed a tentative hand on one of her shoulders and only when she didn't shy away did he put a hand on her other shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She apologized again as a tear slipped down each of her cheeks. "I just needed a minute."

"Don't apologize for being human, Beckett. This was a rough case." He stroked his hands up and down her biceps and little by little she could feel the anvil rising up off of her sternum.

She shut her eyes and leaned her head back against the brick wall. "Yeah, it was…rough."

"For a woman to kill her child like that…I can't even imagine. It's unfathomable."

"Plus, her husband," Kate added softly. She opened her eyes to gaze at him and gave her head a little shake. "She killed her whole family."

He continued to stroke her arms. "Well, there were plenty of witnesses. It won't bring them back, but there will be justice here."

"Yeah." She rasped out, though in that moment the notion didn't make her feel all that better. She shut her eyes, took another breath in, and then, finally feeling like she could face the public once more, she gave Castle a gentle head nod. He took a step back, giving her some space, and waited patiently as she brushed at her damp cheeks with the back of her hand. "Thanks for…thanks."

He smiled a bit wider than before. "Any time, Beckett. Oh, um—your blouse."

"Wha—oh!" she gasped when she looked down at herself and realized her shirt was still completely unbuttoned. Thank goodness she wore a camisole that day! "Sorry."

He smirked. "Won't hear any complaints from me."

A slight smile cracking across her face, she elbowed him playfully. Then, she led the way back out on to the street, where the officers were narrowing the police tape to the spot just around where the bodies had been; finally allowing traffic to pass by on the street.

"So…back to the Twelfth to right up your report?"

"Yes to the Twelfth, no to the report. It's not my case, so I don't have any paperwork."

He smiled. "Ah, so that means you'll probably get off work on time tonight?"

She shrugged. "I don't see why not."

"Want to have dinner with me?"

Caught off guard by the invitation, Kate actually stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk and stammered. "I, uh, what?"

He gave a small shrug as he slipped his hands into his pants pockets. "I was just thinking between this case and that home invasion with the dead dog two days ago you've had a rough week and you might want a distraction."

"Oh." She commented to give herself another few seconds to process the invite. "That's sweet, Castle, but you don't have to. I mean, it's Friday night—you must have plans?"

"Not really. Mother had asked me to go to her rehearsal and give her some feedback, but-"

"You can't miss that!" Kate insisted.

He gave her a wry smile. "I was just about to say: but I've been looking for a reason to get out of it."

"Castle!" she half-scolded him. "She's your mother."

"And I've seen her in dozens of plays before; it'll be fine."

"What's the play?"

He shrugged. "Something strange no one has ever heard of…It's a black comedy; that's all I know."

She nodded. "I see."

His brow wrinkled momentarily, and he tilted his head to the side. "You…would you want to come with me?"

Kate considered the offer for a moment. She did not feel like being around crowds that evening, so an ordinary night at the theatre would definitely not be something she was up for, but she very much doubted the audience would be very large for a rehearsal. If she declined the offer and went home alone, she would probably spend the evening on the couch with a glass of whisky, visions of the dead father's body floating through her head, and that definitely seemed like a worse idea. "Would that be okay?"

"Sure, but…are you sure?"

She quirked her lips to the side. "Like you said: I could use a distraction."

He smiled. "Ok. Great! Um, let me just double check with Mother to make sure its okay and then I'll text you the address. You can meet me there."

"What time?"

"Seven. And…you know what? Let me handle the snacks."

"You don't have to," she insisted, but a secretive smile crossed his face.

"But I want to. It'll actually be more like dinner, so don't eat before you come, okay?"

She half laughed and agreed. "Okay."

"Okay!" He proclaimed as he began backing down the sidewalk, light on his feet as though he just won the lottery. "I'll see you—at seven!"

"Seven," she said, though it was quiet enough that he didn't hear. Still half-surprised at how the prior few minutes had gone down, Kate walked the rest of the way to her vehicle and was surprised to catch her reflection in the driver's door window; somehow, despite that afternoon's tragedy, she was smiling.

* * *

When an actor on stage poorly delivered another sub-par line of dialog, Kate audibly groaned, and half covered her face with her left hand. By her estimate they were only about half way through the first act and the play was already one of the worst she'd ever seen if not _the_ worst. The content of play was mediocre at best; the overall plot didn't seem the worst, but some of the dialogue was ghastly. What made the situation unbearable, however, was the fact that she was convinced the actor hired as the male lead had actually never been on a stage before in his life.

Though she was partly miserable, Kate did not hesitate to admit that Castle's mother was the one highlight. She played the main character's mother, and while Martha Rodgers could certainly chew scenery with the best of them, Kate also found her utterly hilarious. More so, she enjoyed picking up on mannerisms or ways of speaking that her partner shared along with his mother.

A few minutes later, the lead actor walked into part of the set accidentally, which caused some props to go tumbling to the ground. As he scrambled to pick them up, Kate could not help but turn to her companion and proclaim, "Oh my god; this is horrible."

He turned to her appearing as casual as ever. "Oh, I'm sorry; did I not warn you? My mother makes dreadful acting choices."

Her jaw dropped. "Seriously?"

He hummed as he nodded. "Almost always yes. She was nominated for a Tony back in the day—before I was born, actually. Ever since then it's been a steady decline."

"Castle! That's a terrible thing to say about your mother."

"I'm not saying she's declining; her choices are. She just…I don't know." He rubbed his hand over his chin. "She's had a lot of failed auditions, which makes her gun-shy, I suppose. I get that, kind of, since I had plenty of rejection letters before Black Pawn finally accepted my manuscript, but… well, Mother's version of 'getting back on the horse' is to grab the low-hanging fruit—something she feels confident that she'll get. Which is one strategy, I suppose, but she ends up losing anyway. The plays are so bad that they close quickly—case in point," he said, gesturing towards the stage. "I try to encourage her to reach higher, but this is where she's comfortable, so I suppose it just kind of…is what it is."

Kate nodded, though the idea of Martha not wanting to challenge herself to do better did make her feel a little sad, even if she barely knew the woman. "I'm sure she's grateful for your support."

"Particularly since my support means she gets to live with me rent free," he added with a noticeably fake smile.

Kate let out a breathy laugh, having already heard the story about Castle's mother's last husband stealing all her money resulting in the destitute woman needing to move in with her son as she rebuilt her life. She turned her attention back to the stage, but by that point the lead actor was attempting to mimic crying and, quite frankly, it was an embarrassing display that had them both groaning.

"You can leave if this is too painful," Castle said softly.

She turned her head quickly in his direction. "I can't leave—they'll see me!" With the off-Broadway theatre being as small as it was, there was no way she could make an escape without being noticed by everyone on stage. If she decided to leave, she would at least half to wait until the end of the act—and even then she felt her absence could be noticed.

"So? They don't know you."

"Your mother does."

"I'll tell her you got a call from work."

Kate almost laughed at his unexpected offer to lie on her behalf. It was…oddly sweet, but also unnecessary as she had agreed to the evening and did feel as though she was being entertained—though it was definitely not in the way the playwright had intended. "That's nice of you, but I don't want to abandon you. Besides, I'm not done with this yet," she added, lifting up the take-out container in her lap.

When Kate had arrived at the theater not quite an hour earlier, Castle had presented her with the black plastic container with no explanation. All he said was, "Trust me." As they had been eating lunches together with decent regularity for months, Kate wasn't overly concerned, but still wasn't certain until after her first delicious bite. She immediately asked the writer where he'd procured their meal, and he told her it was from a small Asian-fusion place near his apartment that he didn't go to very often because his daughter wasn't a fan, but he had a suspicion she would be—and he was completely right.

He grinned before taking a long drink from his water bottle as he had already finished his meal. "Thought you might like that."

"Definitely," she said in between bites. "Are you actually going to tell me the name of this place, though, or will that continue to be your secret?"

Castle rotated in his seat so that he faced her head-on. He rested his right elbow against the back of the seat and linked his fingertips together as he gazed at her, considering. "You seem to have presented me with an interesting quandary. I could tell you, but if I tell you, then you'll probably just go there without me some other time, and you won't have as much motivation to accept when I invite you to join me for dinner there next Friday night."

Kate felt her cheeks flush in response to Castle's statement. If she was not mistaken, it sounded as though he was asking her out on a date. If she was truly honest with herself, she could not be too surprised at the fact that he was asking her out. While he flirted with most of the women in her department, the compliments and smiles he sent in her direction were relentless. They had been growing closer, too; especially over the prior month. Their relationship had already progressed from coworkers to friends, so taking it a step further did seem natural while at the same time it felt utterly terrifying seeing as she hadn't had a relationship with a man since she was in high school.

"Friday, huh?"

He grinned a little wider. "Yeah. You busy?"

"I have a shift." She told him; his face fell instantly. She waited a solid three seconds longer before continuing with, "But I'm free on Saturday."

The grin returned to his face with a flourish. "Yeah? Saturday?"

"Sure, if you're not busy."

"I—no. Not at all. In fact: why don't we meet for lunch? Then, if we feel like it, we can do something else after."

Kate felt her heart flutter beneath her ribcage and she bit down on her bottom lip, slightly startled by the feeling she hadn't really felt in well over a decade. He was _definitely_ asking her out on a date—and she was excited by it.

"Sounds good. Meet you at your place at noon?"

"Perfect. Now, uh, we'd better be quiet—wouldn't want to miss any scintillating dialog."

She suppressed a chuckle at his comment and then turned her attention back to the stage, though really all her brain could focus on was the fact that she had a date with Castle for the following weekend—and that the next eight days were going to pass very, very slowly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"I'm thinking about going to that street bazar on Saturday if it doesn't rain. Would you like to come with me?"

"Oh, um." Kate pressed the phone tighter against her ear as she tried to formulate the best response to her mother's invitation. "No; I can't. I have lunch plans and then—I, um, yeah. I have plans."

"Oh? That sounds cryptic."

"It's not." Kate spoke a bit too quickly. Then, she squeezed her eyes tight and huffed out a breath. In her mind's eye she could see her mother's arched eyebrow an intrigued expression. They weren't even in the same room yet somehow Johanna was prying the truth out of her. Then again, maybe Kate was just looking for an excuse to tell someone about the plans she had been excited about for nearly a week.

"I'm having lunch with Castle."

Johanna's voice rang with both excitement and intrigue when she next spoke. "Really?"

"No—don't; don't make a big deal out of this." Kate warned.

"I'm not making a _big_ deal, but if it's your first date with Castle we should at-"

"No," Kate jumped in; her voice firm. "It's not a date; we're just two friends having lunch."

Johanna was silent for ten seconds before saying. "I see. It's not a date."

"Right."

"Because he said so?"

"N-no. I mean, we never talked about it being a date. He just…we were talking about this restaurant and he asked if wanted to eat there with him Friday night, but I work, so we changed it to Saturday lunch."

"That sounds suspiciously like a date to me."

Kate grumbled at her mother's insistence. "It's not! We—we're not dating; it's not a date."

"Fine; not a date, but what if during said non-date, he asks you out again, that time making it clear that your next outing would be a date?"

"I…well, I mean, I…I suppose that would be okay."

"Katie!" her mother said in a half-scolding, half-laughing tone.

"What?!"

"You're being silly."

"Silly? No. Careful." She corrected. Then, after picking at a thread poking out from the seam on her jeans for a moment she continued. "I'm just being careful because he makes me a little nervous."

"Why? He's not dangerous."

"Not that kind of nervous just the…" She rubbed her fingers over her brow, trying to put into words the jumble of feelings inside her chest, but it was nearly impossible. "The way I feel when I'm with him is…it's confusing and unsettling because sometimes…well, there are just these moments when I think that he—but then I'm not actually sure if he… yet there are these other times… There are other times when I'm positive he could just step in and sweep me off my feet and I…wouldn't stop him."

"That's a good thing."

"It's nerve-wracking," she said, thinking specifically about the dreams she had when Castle would grab her, kiss her, run his hands down the length of her body and… "Stupid," she commented more to herself than anything. "I shouldn't let him unnerve me but…well, I haven't felt like this since high school and I'm trying to get used to it again."

"I'm sure you are, and there's nothing wrong with that, but…you will give him a chance, won't you?"

"Yes," she confirmed, finally acknowledging her interest for the writer out loud. "Yes—assuming he's interesting in more than just a fling. I want a relationship or at least something heading in that direction. Something that's not disposable."

"I'd say there's a pretty decent possibility of that."

"Probably."

"Oh, Katie; I'm so happy for you! You'll let me know how it goes, won't you?"

Kate chuckled. "Of course. And thanks," she added, knowing that if her mother had not talked some sense into her in the very beginning, she might never have given Castle the chance he deserved, and that would have been a terrible mistake.

* * *

"I still don't understand how you managed to get a cow on the roof of your high school." Kate shook her head with disbelief, still amazed at some of the wild stories Castle had told her during their ninety-minute lunch.

He grinned as they stood from their seats and made their way towards the exit. "As I said, Beckett, anything is possible if—oh." He stopped just a few feet from the door and made a face. "Was it supposed to rain today?"

Kate gazed around him to see a light rain falling outside and grumbled as she had not brought a coat; neither of them had, actually. "I didn't think it was supposed to rain until late afternoon. Crap."

"Well…It's only two and a half blocks to my place. Mostly under awnings. Want to make a run for it?"

"I…" Kate hesitated. She had been about to suggest calling for a cab, but without knowing how long it had been raining, cabs may have been scarce, which meant they could be waiting upwards of half an hour, which seemed silly, especially with his apartment being so close. She also thought about sending him home and waiting for the cab herself, but they had just been discussing her looking at the preliminary cover art for his Nikki Heat novel, and she really wanted to see that. Ultimately, she shrugged and said, "Why not? It doesn't look like it's raining that hard."

And it wasn't—when they left the restaurant. By the time they reached the end of the block, however, the precipitation had increased steadily. In fact, by the time they should have been within eyesight of Castle's five-story building, it simply could not be seen due to the torrents of rain. Naturally, when they splashed up to his building's awning the deluge began to slow, but it was too late; they were already drenched.

Despite being very wet—and cold—Kate could not stop herself from laughing along with Castle. She could not remember the last time she had run through the rain, and while she would have preferred a summer rain to a fall one, she couldn't say she was mad. It had been exhilarating, just like their lunch together.

For the duration of their meal Castle had been just as funny, charming, and kind as she had hoped he would be—even more so. Gone was the overly flirtatious mystery writer intent on cracking jokes and being the center of attention. He was replaced by a sweet, genuine man, who listened with as much intensity as he told stories. More and more he was becoming the type of man she could see herself with—as scary and exciting as that was—which was why she was in no hurry to end their afternoon together.

"Oh my god, I'm just drenched, but it's mostly my blazer. You're soaked."

Kate looked down at herself and noticed how saturated her pants were at the ankles and on her upper thighs. Her shirt was also completely soaked, though since it was a dark green color it—thankfully!—had not become too sheer. Still, she knew she would not want to sit around in such damp clothing for too long.

As though he'd read her thoughts, he said, "You know I bet if we pop your shirt and pants into the dryer, it won't take more than twenty or thirty minutes for them to be dry again."

"Oh." She felt slightly taken aback by his suggestion, but it wasn't unwelcome. "Um, yeah. Sure. I, um, do you have a robe or something I can wear while we wait?"

"T-shirt and pajama pants?" he offered.

She smiled softly. "Even better."

Kate waited patiently while Castle hurried into his bedroom and returned a moment later with the promised clothes. She stepped into the small bathroom off the entry-way to change, only fully coming to the realization that she was wearing _his_ clothes when she caught her reflection in the mirror. The shirt was large and baggy and the pants would have fallen off were it not for the drawstring, but they were definitely comfy. She was startled once again by that thought. She definitely did not get _comfy_ with anyone other than her mother too often. Sure, she would wear yoga pants around her childhood friend Maddy if they were having a night in. And she certainly didn't make any effort to dress up if she was going to visit Lanie, but somehow with a man—with Castle—it felt different; it felt like opening the door to something new, something she definitely was not opposed to even if they still technically were not on a date.

With her wet clothes in hand, she stepped out of the bathroom and saw that he had also changed into a different pair of pants. They were still jeans, but they definitely looked more faded and well-worn. He ushered her towards a room just off the kitchen that ended up being the largest laundry area she'd ever seen in a Manhattan apartment. After her clothes were in the dryer, Castle beckoned her back through the kitchen and across the apartment to his office, where he finally showed her the preliminary cover art for his new book. Kate had barely held it in her hands for more than two seconds when her chest tightened with concern—and annoyance.

"Castle is she…is she naked?" Prominently on the cover was the silhouette of a woman with a gun drawn. With her breasts and backside so prominently drawn it looked suspiciously like she wore nothing at all. Considering her already salacious sounding name, Kate was not sure she was a fan of this portrayal for the character she inspired.

"Naked? Maybe. It's up to the readers imagination. Looks great, right? Right now we're aiming for a release early next year."

She handed the picture back as she asked, "Really? I didn't realize you were that far along."

He bobbed his head. "Sent off the final chapters a few days ago, so now the editing process beings. Sorry—I thought I mentioned it."

She shook off his apology. "Is…is this normally how publishing works? This quickly?"

He shrugged and sat on the very edge of his desk. "Sometimes; it really depends. Back in the hay day of Derrick Storm, I would be writing the books practically back-to-back, so there would be more lag time between when I finished writing a book and when it actually made it to store shelves. Now, since it's been nearly a year since I published anything, Black Pawn wants my next book on the market as soon as possible so I don't lose momentum with my fanbase."

"Ah yes, the fanbase."

He let out a breathy laugh and skimmed his hand over his forehead. "Yeah. I don't…It's not that I don't appreciate those who buy every one of my books—of course I do. I certainly wouldn't be here without them. I just…well, I don't do it for them. I enjoy writing. It's a passion I've been fortunate enough to turn into a career. I would keep doing it if my books were read by five people or five thousand. There was definitely a time back in the day when I wanted a weekly report of how many copies I sold, but—as difficult as this may be to believe—I've matured past that."

Her lips curled upwards as she said, "I believe it." She then dipped her chin and a chunk of damp hair fell into her face. She went to bush it back, but he beat her to it.

"Gosh, I'm sorry—I didn't realize how wet your hair got. Would you like to use my hair dryer? Or I can get you a towel…"

"No, no; I'm fine. It's drying."

"You're sure?"

"Mmhmm."

"Okay, well, um, do you want to sit?" He gestured towards the padded bench in front of the windows in his office. "I always like to watch the rain; it's peaceful."

She walked over and they sat on opposite sides of the bench, half facing one another, half turned towards the rain-soaked window. Kate lifted her hand to trace her fingertip down one of the raindrop paths. As she felt as though she was always on the go, Kate did not often take the time to watch the rain outside her window; usually she was far too busy. On the rare occasion that she did spend a rainy day inside her apartment, she was never by the window. Her apartment only had two windows, and both were very small, thus sitting in front of them and watching the rain would have been an awkward if not impossible endeavor.

"Hey, you okay? You seem a little sad."

She turned her head to face him and gave a guilty shrug, as her thoughts had turned to the past. "I was thinking about my dad, actually. The last time I watched the rain like this we were together; it was during our last vacation together as a family."

"Just before he died?" Castle asked.

"A few months—August, just before school started. My…my father had this cabin in the woods upstate that he bought with a bunch of his law school buddies. He would go there a few times a year, spend the weekend and recharge. My mom and I didn't go too often, but we all went that time. I…didn't have the best attitude about it, you could say," she confessed with a sheepish expression. "Typical teenage girl, I suppose. Plus, I never liked the woods and I had no interested in fishing in the small lake nearby; I thought I was going to be horribly bored."

"Were you?"

"I was a little bored for sure but…in the middle of the trip it rained for two days straight—absolutely poured, kind of like what we ran through today. We were all cooped up in the cabin, getting a little restless, and my father found some board games one of his buddies had left. Some were little kid games like Candy Land, but there was also Monopoly. We played those games and…and it ended up being really, really fun. I don't think my parents and I had played a game in years before that, but it was good. Of course, I had no way of knowing then it would be the last vacation we ever took together, but looking back… "She sighed and gave him a half-smile. "It's both a happy and sad memory, I suppose."

"You were…sixteen?"

"I was fifteen during that trip; turned sixteen that November."

He gave her a sad smile. "Rough age to lose a parent."

"Yeah, it would have been, but this was…everyone."

"Tell me about it."

She shook her head as she tried to imagine what it would have been like for him. They had talked about it before, though only briefly. She knew that he had been one of the few entirely immune to the wide-spread disease; he had never been sick at all. The context of the discussion had been centered around his inaugural book, _In a Hail of Bullets_. Evidently, his book had been accepted by Black Pawn just months before the incident, and he was concerned that in the wake of everything that happened afterwards, he would not be published at all, but ultimately the release was just delayed. Still, he'd chosen to publish under the name R. Castle so as not to draw any further notoriety or intrigue simply because he was male.

"I can't imagine what losing all your friends would have been like," Kate said a moment later.

"Yeah, it…it wasn't easy. Losing friends was rough but…but I'd encountered that a lot in my childhood. As you probably noticed from my stories over lunch, I could be quite a handful as a child, so I moved schools several times and had to start over socially. That, I was used to. It was…not just the attention, but the shock of it. In the immediate aftermath I felt like I was the last of an endangered species from the way I was stared at on the street. People came up to me and—and…well, you wouldn't believe the things I heard. It was… a lot to get used to."

"I can imagine," she said, thinking of how the few males left in her high school were treated once all the dust settled. "It was a crazy thing to live through and I think we all struggled with it in our own ways; no one was immune."

"Definitely, but you know I'm here; I survived. I have a daughter, a home, a great life…can't complain," he added with one of his classic dopey smiles.

She laughed softly. "Yeah. Even though that disease didn't infect any women, I think we all feel a little bit lucky to have survived. I…" she hesitated a moment to continue. "That was such a rough time for everyone, but every time the memory of it becomes too crushing, I remember this one guy in my grade. You know, in hind sight, he reminds me a little of you."

His eyes brightened. "Yeah?"

She nodded. "Right when the disease started, he said his goal was to kiss as many girls as possible before he got sick too, so he ran through the halls of the school trying to kiss all the girls in our grade—and the one below."

The writer gasped. "Oh my god—why didn't I try that?!"

"It was terrible!"

"Did he get in trouble?"

"Of course."

"Did he kiss you?"

She shook her head. "I wouldn't let him; I had a boyfriend."

His brow rose notably. "Oh, so you have kissed before."

Flustered to the point where she knew her cheeks were turning pink, she stammered, "I—wha-of course!" She felt herself growing even more embarrassed while thinking that he might have actually thought she never kissed anyone for the duration of their partnership—how embarrassing!

"Sorry for assuming, but I wasn't sure given how young you were." He let a beat go by before asking. "Have you kissed anyone since?"

"I kissed a woman once during a college party."

To his credit, he did not overreact or make any appropriate jokes. Instead, he maintained an appropriate level of curiosity as he asked, "And?"

She scrunched her nose and shook her head. "Not my thing." Seeing as there was a distinct lack of men, she and nearly all her friends had done some same-sex experimenting, but even with the lowered inhibitions alcohol provided, Kate had not been interested in exploring a relationship of that nature.

The writer studied her for a moment before asking, "What if I said I wanted to kiss you now?"

Kate had thought she had maxed out her embarrassment until she felt flames against her cheeks once again. Never before had anyone actually asked to kiss her; it had always just happened. Considering their status as quasi-coworkers turned friends, she supposed she didn't mind the formality of it all, though for some reason it did make the butterflies in her stomach more aggressive. "I suppose that would be ok."

Without waiting a second, Castle scooted closer to her, leaned in, and pressed his lips gently against hers. Their first kiss was brief, with Castle pulling back an inch until their noses bumped together, giving them both a chance to acclimate to the new feelings. Then, he moved back towards her, giving her one, two, then three soft kisses. Then, his hands skimmed beneath her jaw and he drew her in, parting his lips around hers and sending sparks down her spine.

Kate grabbed on to his forearms for support when she began to feel lightheaded. Only then did she realize she'd forgotten to breathe, so she sucked in a breath only to have it come out as a soft moan. When she heard the noise and realize it had come from her mouth, she pulled back and hissed out loud, "Shit."

Concern danced across his face. "What?"

"That was way better than I thought it was going to be."

He chuckled deeply, bumped his nose against hers again, and said, "You're welcome."

She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. "Shut up."

Kate kissed him again and again, feeling utterly lost in the feeling of his soft lips against hers, and his strong hands gripping at the flesh on her waist and hips. She hadn't realized how much she missed making-out, or, hell, just being close to someone, until her body was humming, every fiber feeling like it was about to burst into flames. Knowing she needed to take a moment before she unconsciously began trying to undress him, she slid a few inches away and gave him a soft smile.

Thankfully, he took the hint, and moved some hair off her brow before brushing his thumb against the hollow of her cheek. "So…is this a thing now?" he asked softly.

"What do you mean by thing?"

"Are we dating?"

That time, she felt her whole body flush at the word. "Dating? I… I mean…" Yes, technically that was what she wanted—a relationship, not a fling—but she had never expected for him to jump right to that point so quickly. Especially not during their non-date!

"No pressure, Kate," he pointed out with a smile.

She let out a breath and reached out to grasp the hand he still had rested against her face. She sandwiched it between both of hers and held it in her lap. "I do have feelings for you, Castle, but…I want to ease in here. It's been quite some time—obviously."

His eyes reflected a kindness and caring she was certain she had not yet known, even in her thirty years of life. "I'm fine with that. We can go as slow as you want, but I want you to know I'm in this. I have been for a while."

She skimmed her teeth over her bottom lip. "A while?"

He nodded in confirmation. "A while."

"I… I probably have, too," she confessed. Of course she had fought and tried to deny those feelings, but deep down she knew they had been there. She was grateful for how they met and how they were able to formulate a friendship slow and steady—exactly what her battered heart needed.

He gave her hands a squeeze. "Thought so."

She laughed. "Yeah…well…"

He leaned in, kissed her forehead, and then wrapped his free arm around her shoulders. "C'mon; let's go see if there's a cheesy movie on TV. We can wait while we wait for your clothes to finish drying."

"Sounds good to me." She then let him lead her towards the couch in the other room—towards what she knew would be a very interesting and very happy new beginning.

* * *

:)

FYI - there will be no update on Christmas; next update will be a week from today (next Saturday)


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Well, I'd say congratulations on another job well done, but that feels a bit like gilding the lily."

Kate chuckled as she strolled down the hall fresh off another suspect confession and her partner began walking at her side. She'd invited him into the interrogation room with her so that he could have a front row seat to the collar of a suspect he had all but hand-selected, but he had declined, wanting to watch from behind the two-way glass instead. As fun as it was to have him with her, Kate didn't mind this break from tradition, particularly since it gave her full run of the suspect and, in the end, a successful case closure.

"Yes, Castle; you were instrumental in this case. Thank you once again for your keen insights."

He grinned at her. "Always happy to be of assistance, Detective Beckett. So," he continued, lowering his voice slightly, "any chance you'd like to join tonight me in celebration of another successful case?"

As the grin began to spread across Kate's face, she didn't even bother to try and hide it. "I'd say there's a definite possibility of that, yes. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, Mother is having her costars over for a pre-opening-night soiree—her words not mine. How about I make you dinner at your place? I'll bring the wine, the groceries, everything. You don't have to do a thing."

"Ooh will you clean the kitchen, too?" she replied, teasingly.

He lowered his chin and gazed at her in a way that made her spine tingle. "If you're asking for me to be your slave—I think we can come to some sort of arrangement."

She decided to side-step the obvious sexual nature of his response as they had not yet crossed that bridge since that night would only be their fourth official date. Castle was being exceptionally patient with her request to ease into their relationship, which she appreciated greatly. Not quite two weeks had passed since their first kiss and, much to her delight, she had found their transition from friends-to-more quite seamless. Though it was still slightly unnerving to think that she had a boyfriend for the first time in a time nearly equivalent to half her life, she also felt happier and more relaxed than she had in years, particularly when he was by her side.

"I was kidding—dinner sounds great. I'll text you when I'm leaving work?"

"Perfect." Then, he gave her arm a gentle squeeze, turned, and made his way out of the precinct. She watched him go, then she sat down at her computer to begin the more unfortunate part of her successful case closer: paperwork.

* * *

"You know," Kate began as she snapped the lid on the plastic container with the leftovers and slid it into the fridge, "you really are too good at cooking." Their flavorful and complex meal had been as delicious as any she'd ever had from a professional chef. She'd eaten Castle's cooking before, of course, but he had definitely pulled out all the stops for this meal. Once again, her partner continued to surprise her in the best of ways.

Hovering near the edge of the kitchen, he gave a casual shrug of one shoulder. "I enjoy it. Helps me write."

"Does it?"

"Yeah. Cooking is easy and uncomplicated. When I'm focused on something mundane like chopping vegetables or stirring a part, my mind is free to process scenes I might be stuck on or alternate plots that might be better than the ones I planned out."

"Interesting."

"Sure. But let's not talk about me anymore." With that, he swept into the room, placed his hands at her waist, and dipped his chin so he could kiss her. "Hi."

She laughed and looped her arms around his neck. "Hi."

His hands still at her waist, Castle spun around so that his back rested against the countertop. He then pulled her forward so that their bodies were almost flush against each other. "For the record: I'm kind of loving this—us."

"So am I."

He grinned so wide that the corners of his eyes crinkled in that adorable way that made her heart flutter. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good." He kissed her again briefly and then brushed his thumbs across her sides at the bottom edge of her ribcage. "So, um, I know you wanted to ease in to this whole relationship and that's great; I'm glad that we're doing what you're comfortable with, because I would never want you to be uncomfortable. I was wondering, though…how easy were you planning on taking it?"

She grazed her teeth over her bottom lip at how adorable he was being though it was not difficult for her to catch his implication. "Well you certainly get points for not outright asking if I'm ready to have sex yet."

"I am a gentleman."

"Mm." She hummed in response, staring up into his sparkling blue eyes for another few seconds before giving her official ruling. In all reality, she'd made the decision on the way home from the precinct that evening. They were at her apartment—alone, where his mother or daughter could not walk in on them. He was preparing her a lovely meal to cap off a date that would be the fourth in a series of lovely dates. If he hadn't brought it up, would she have been the one initiating the increase in intimacy between them? Well, maybe not, but since he had broached the subject she knew it was time. She cared for him, she wanted him in so many ways. And it had been fifteen years after all.

Picking up his left hand with her right, she took a step back and gave him a little tug towards the edge of the kitchen. "C'mon."

He hesitated momentarily. "You sure? I'm really not trying to pressure you."

"I know," she responded genuinely. She continued to lead the way for three more steps before all of a sudden she felt him scoop her up from behind. She yelped out, "Oh! Castle!" but she had no need to worry; his grip on her was firm.

Castle carried her into her bedroom, which wasn't all that far since her apartment was small, and dropped her onto the mattress. She landed on her back and was about to sit up, but before she could his body descended down over hers in a cat-like move. His hands came to rest on either side of her head and his knees were astride her hips. He gazed down at her, dipped his chin so he could scan her torso, and then met her eye again with a knowing smile. "This position seems familiar."

"Does it?"

"Yeah…only there's no dumpster here, which I appreciate."

When she caught his implication, she rolled her eyes. "You're ridiculous."

He ignored her comment and instead rearranged himself so that he lay beside her on his left side. He used his right thumb to brush over her cheek before skimming it down over her jaw and letting it rest against her pulse point for several moments. Then, moving his hand to her shoulder he asked, "Can I ask you something about that day? Did I really fluster you?"

Knowing her cheeks would be showing a little bit of pink, she confessed, "Yes. I was…I think I was still trying to process everything from you being my kind-of partner to the book you're writing to you actually being in my life at all. I hadn't yet gotten to realizing that you were an attractive man until you were on top of me and I felt…"

"Aroused?" he guessed.

"Not quite that, but definitely moving in that direction. It…it startled me. I didn't…I think that was in the cards for me again."

"Why?"

She gave him a pointed look. "Well you may have noticed: there aren't many men in this city."

"But you're an incredible, beautiful woman. The ones that are here should have been lining up around the block for you."

Feeling the urge to disappear beneath the bed, she covered her face with her left hand and moaned, "Stop."

He gently grasped her wrist and moved her hand away so he could look at her. "I'm serious. That's why I consider myself very, very lucky to be here."

Kate felt her heart flutter at his sentiments. While she appreciated his feelings very much, she also believed their situation to be entirely reversed. No matter what he said, the true reality was that the men in her age bracket were few and far between. Even among those that had survived, the number of single men was ever-dwindling. Having a mate was a rarity that she did not want to take for granted, particularly not when the mate was as incredible as the one lying beside her.

Kate lifted her hand so she could press her palm down against his cheek as she spoke. "No, it's me. I feel like one of the lucky ones every time I look at you."

Castle kissed her inner wrist before rolling half on toping her and bringing his lips to hers. She skimmed her hands over is shoulders and onto his back while his traveled down her side until it reached the bottom and he snuck his hand underneath. When his fingers squeezed at the cup of her bra, she gasped and pulled back, feeling momentarily uncertain. "Ah, Castle?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah just, um, remember its been about fifteen years so maybe…take it a little easy with me?"

He smiled, bumped his nose against hers, and skimmed his fingers against her rips in a delicate way that made her skin tingle. "Don't worry Kate," he said, just before he lowered his lips to hers once more, "You're in good hands."

* * *

Kate opened her eyes and blinked slowly as the world came into focus. She was laying on her side her in bed, her right hand was tucked beneath her head and if she was not mistaken, another, larger hand rested against her right elbow. Her body felt relaxed, but her head a little bit fuzzy, as though she'd been interrupted in the middle of the best nap of her life. When she focused her eyes, she saw a dopey grin reflecting back at her and she could not help but smile in its reflection.

Oh, right. She was in bed with Castle, and the fact that they had just made love was not even close to being a dream; it had all been very, very real.

"Have a nice nap?" he asked gently as he brushed his thumb over her forearm.

She yawned and mumbled, "How long was I out?"

"Only a few minutes. You okay?"

She smiled and moved her hand from its position beneath her head so that she could grip onto his and bring it closer to her lips, so she could kiss his knuckles. "Okay" seemed a rather insulting descriptor for how incredible she felt, but in her sleepy, sated state, she couldn't think of a better one, so she went with it. "Yes. We're going to need to do that about a thousand more times."

He laughed. "Well you won't hear any complaints from me."

She hummed and stuck out her leg to thread through his so as to bring them even closer together. "Mm good." She shut her eyes again and relaxed against him not sure what was more of a relief: finally being intimate again after a decade and a half, or having a new lover who was talented in the best of ways.

"Not to sound too much like I'm fishing for complements but: better than you remembered?"

Kate half-groaned at the memory of the incident she did not like to remember. As she had only been sixteen—and only been sexually active for a little more than a month—the quality of her sexual activities had definitely been limited. That particular final incident was not at all a pleasant memory—not that any had been outstanding. In fact, the moment she and Castle had just shared together outpaced the others several times over.

"You could say that. The last time…well, it was right as the outbreak started. My boyfriend, Sorrow, was-"

"Stop." He interrupted her, holding his right hand out in between their faces. "Stop it right now—you did not have sex with a man named Sorrow."

"His real name was Tyler. I was in a rebel phase and he played guitar in a band."

"Do you have a picture?"

She blinked at him, slightly incredulous. "Really? I'm naked and you want to see my seventeen-year-old boyfriend's picture?"

"When his name is _Sorrow_? Absolutely."

Huffing out a breath, Kate rolled away from her companion and tossed back the bedsheet. Though she did not wish to leave their cozy cocoon, she also knew her new boyfriend very well, and when he fixated on something, he did not easily let it go. Besides, from an objective standpoint she supposed she could understand the fascination with someone who chose to call themselves Sorrow; since she had only known him as such, it seemed almost normal to her.

She scooped up her panties and shirt from the floor, put them on, and then went to her closet to find the box that contained her yearbooks and high school memories. "Anyway, everything was so crazy then—so much was happening so I didn't even think we'd see each other, but…my father started showing symptoms and I…I guess I just couldn't face it, so I went over to his place. He had family members staying with him and so there wasn't much privacy. We ended up doing it in his bedroom closet that smelled very strongly of feet."

After she finally found the right book, she pulled it from the box, and turned around to see that her companion now sat up in bed, the sheet bunched around his waist.

"That's terrible," he commented.

She gave a little shrug, as he was completely correct. "Well that was only the sixth time I'd ever done it; it was never going to be great," she said as a way to deflect the conversation away from the reality of the situation. By that point in the chaos, it was not yet known how that the survival rate for anyone who became sick was almost zero; however, they did know that falling ill was very dangerous and very serious. When her father returned home looking pale and feverish, only to faint in the bathroom half an hour later, she had been so terror-struck she didn't know what to do with herself. She shouldn't have left her mother, she knew that at the time, but escaped anyway. She'd just wanted to get away, and not think about the pain she was about to face. She hadn't wanted to have sex either, but when Sorrow suggested it she agreed if for no other reason than it would provide a ten-minute distraction.

"You weren't with anyone other than—I'm sorry I literally cannot call him by his dumb band name."

She cracked a slight smile when she finally located Sorrow's picture in her yearbook. God, he was even more horrifying looking than she remembered. With slight reluctance, she turned the book so he could see and she tapped her finger just below his picture. "C'mon. he even had a Mohawk."

"Oh my god. Really?" he responded with a mixture of amusement and horror.

"He had a guitar, wore eyeliner, and my father hated him—it was all I needed at sixteen."

"Well, at least you've matured."

"Oh, definitely." Even if everyone hadn't fallen ill and died, she knew she eventually would have moved past that phase of her life. Would it have taken longer? Certainly. Would it have lasted into college? Possibly, but she definitely would have outgrown it. In hindsight, she knew she was just testing boundaries, and definitely had no real interest in being a grunge band groupie for life.

"I don't know what would have happened if everyone hadn't died but I doubt this phase would have lasted too long."

Handing the yearbook back to her, Castle asked, "Wait—did he end up dying?"

"No, he got really sick, recovered, and then broke up with me. And to answer your other question: I wasn't with anyone other than him." She added as she returned the yearbook to its resting place and then pushed the box back into her closet with her foot. Despite the mediocre experience it was, Kate did not regret her time with Sorrow. He had been a weird kid, but he was nice to her and cared as much as a seventeen-year-old who dreamed of a fabulous career as a musician could.

"I am so sorry that you're only other sexual experience was with someone named after a feeling."

Though she laughed at his wording, Kate did straighten her mouth quickly and point out, "Well I'm sure you have regrets from when you were sixteen," before the conversation focused too much on teasing her and not him, the man who had put a cow on the roof of his high school.

"Oh, dozens. And some day I'll tell you about some of them. But right now," he paused to reach out and snag her hand. She let out a small yelp as he yanked her onto the bed so that her body was half laying over his. He moved his hand down to squeeze and then caress her ass before whispering, "Let's start chipping away at those thousand more times."

"Now?" she asked, slightly taken-aback, as she had never had sex back-to-back before. Then again, she had never not had sex in an apartment owned by a parent.

"Yes now. Or we can wait a bit. I'm not going anywhere."

Her heart fluttered as he lay back against the pillows. "You mean…you want to stay tonight?"

"If that's ok with you."

She grinned at the prospect of her first adult sleepover and hummed out an affirmative answer. In response, he grabbed her waist and rolled them both over so that she was once again underneath him. He began to place kisses against her jaw, but when he kissed his way to her ear, he whispered, "By the way, I'm changing my name to Exuberance."

She gasped and smacked his arm. "Castle!"

He lifted his head to display a shit-eating grin. "Or perhaps…Jubilant?"

"How about Jackass?"

"No that's not an emotion."

She grumbled and shifted uncomfortably underneath him. "You're not going to let this go are you?"

His response was downright gleeful. "Not for several weeks at least."

"I hate you."

He appeared unfazed. "No, you don't."

Gazing up at him, Kate felt a crushing amount of joy spread through her chest. Yes, he drove her to the brink of sanity, and yes he could be extremely irritating, but he was kind, thoughtful, and he made her laugh—he made her happier than she ever thought possible. She could not fathom how she had become so blessed for a man—let alone one as wonderful as him—to come into her life, but she was so grateful for it. In that moment, she felt dozens of emotions swirling in her chest, but not one of them was negative. Lifting her head, she pressed a kiss against his bottom lip and whispered, "You're right; I don't," before pulling his body down over hers once again.

* * *

 **A/N** : There are (2) more updates to this story - one chapter & an epilogue, but once again i will skip tuesday's update in lieu of posting my new years kind of crack!fic i've been working on, so ch 9 will be posted a week from today. thanks!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Kate sat at her desk with headphones in her ears, heavily focused on the article she was reading about new advances in fingerprint collection technology. Though she wore the headphones, no music played in her ears; they were merely a decoy. She was not having the best day and thus did not want to be bothered and everyone knew that wearing headphones was code for, "Don't bother me unless its urgent." Well, perhaps not everyone, for she had been interrupted several times that day, but for the most part it had been quiet, and that's what she hoped for the remaining three hours of her shift.

Just as she finished up the article, Kate was slightly startled by the sound of knuckles rapping against her desk. She gasped as she pulled the headphones out of her ears, but then looked up to see the smiling face of her companion. "Oh. Hi," she said as a rather lackluster greeting. She had last seen him the night before when she left his apartment. He had been complaining about his "super early" meeting the next morning with his editors at Black Pawn and since she had to be on shift at seven-thirty and his meeting was at nine, she had not been interesting in entertaining his gripes; so she'd said goodbye and asked him to call her after the meeting.

"Good afternoon Beckett," he said as he took a seat in his chair.

"How was your meeting?"

He shrugged. "Pretty standard. I have a list of changes to make—some I will, some I won't."

"That's nice."

"What's wrong?" he asked, presumably at her disinterested response.

She turned to him and managed a slight smile. "Nothing; I'm just very busy."

"Anything I can help with?"

"No. You should just go work on your editing."

He made a flippant gesture with his hands. "Pst; no way! They gave me ten days, so I won't start it for a least week."

Though he winked at her, it did not make the smile on her face grow. Instead, she nodded and turned back to her computer screen. A moment later, she felt his fingertips against her forearm and jerked back as though he'd electrocuted her.

"Hey wha—what's going on Kate?"

Had she not already been so riled up, she would have found his concerns endearing, but in that moment, they served only to further irritated her. Knowing she was about to lash out and did not want him to be on the receiving end of it, she jerked herself up and out of her seat while saying sharply. "I'm fine."

He stood as well. "Where are you going?"

"The bathroom," she snipped. Then, without waiting for his response, she turned and stalked down the hallway towards the women's room.

Kate took two full minutes in front of the mirror in the thankfully empty bathroom to take deep breaths and calm her thundering heart. She spent another minute rehearsing the exact words she would say to Castle and the exact tone she would use. She would reiterate that she was busy and ask him to please go with the promise she would call him later. She figured he might protest a little bit, but she hoped her tone and imploring expression would convince him without too much of a fight.

On her way back to her desk, Kate realized she had not taken into consideration Castle's extreme curiosity, for when she spotted him and realized he held the crumpled napkin that had kick started her terrible day, all sense of calm evaporated and she felt a bomb of fear, frustration, and rage detonate in her chest.

"Castle!"

The explosion of her voice startled him and he noticeably jumped. He recovered quickly, though, and held the napkin up in front of his chest. Before he could utter more than, "Wha-" she pounced on him.

"Jesus—not even my trash is safe from you now?"

"I…it was on the ground," he defended weakly, pointing to the space under her desk were the trash can resided.

Too angry to realize she must have missed the trash can she continued her assault with, "You can't just go through my things now that were…were…whatever."

Offense flickered through his expression. "Kate, I really-"

"Can you just go? Can you just leave? Please, just leave."

He set his jaw and reached out for her arm. "Come with me."

She twisted out of his grasp and defiantly said, "NO!" a bit louder than she should have. They now had the attention of everyone in the room, which was the exact last thing she wanted, but it was too late to do anything about that.

"Kate, please." The writer continued, thankfully having the wherewithal to remain quiet with his tone. "I just need two minutes of your time and then I'll go."

She huffed angrily, but relented to the two minutes, especially if they would allow her to finish the afternoon in peace. That time, when he reached out for her arm, she didn't move away. She let him guide her into the breakroom, where he shut the door firmly behind them, and held out the napkin again. "What's this?"

"Nothing." Her reply was childish and she knew that, but her walls had re-erected themselves and she was doing everything she could to protect her heart.

To his credit, Castle never seemed impatient, but he was definitely firm when he next spoke. "It's not nothing; it's something we need to talk about it. Something you should have brought up with me and not simply threw away in the trash, because that's not going to make it go away, is it Kate?"

He let the question hang in the air for a moment before he stepped forward and softened his tone. "I'm going to cut you some slack here because I know you haven't been in a relationship since you were practically a kid. This is new to you and were going to have some bumps in the road; that's fine, but you need to understand that relationships mean openness, honesty, and sharing. I want you to share with me, Kate, because I'm going to share with you. If something is upsetting you then it becomes my problem too. Particularly in this case, since the problem seems to directly involve me."

Feeling as though she was a child being scolded for breaking a lamp, Kate could not look him in the eye. Instead, she looked at the napkin and felt the same nauseating feeling she had when she first discovered it draped across her keyboard that morning.

 _We already think you're a bitch—bragging about your new boyfriend won't help_

Reading the note had ignited an amalgamation of emotions in her chest: anger, embarrassment, and maybe a little bit of shame. She instantly tried to think about the day before and what sort of incident had sparked such a response. Castle had only been there briefly in the morning to deliver coffee and ask if she had a new case, but there wasn't one, so he'd said his goodbyes just as casually as ever; he hadn't even kissed or hugged her. She couldn't imagine how that incident, no different than any others, would have upset anyone. It took her the better part of the morning to realize the note could have been referring to something that had happened the day before that, which made her feel even more upset. And furious.

Clearing her throat, Kate scuffed the top of her shoe against the floor as she turned her gaze upward. "I, ah, found that on my desk this morning."

"Do you know who did it?"

"No. I… it took me a while to figure out what it might be referencing. You and I have been together over a month, so why say that now? It's not like anyone caught us making out on my desk or something. Then I remembered. Two days ago, Lanie stopped by to bring some paperwork. She sat in your chair and we talked for a few minutes about us and how things were going. I…I guess we might have been a little louder than we should have been, but…" She sighed and skimmed her hand across her brow. "She was excited to listen, and I was excited to tell her about how this is the happiest I've ever felt in my entire life. Happiness I didn't think I could feel again."

She reached out for the napkin and held it between her hands, staring down at the jagged, angry text. "I thought I could just forget about the note because I don't give a shit what others think of me. I threw it away and tried to focus on our work, but with each person that passed by me, I thought about whether or not more than just one person might have this opinion. I thought about the incident with the women who accosted us on the street and how you said that jealousy and hate from other women has been a problem in the past. I don't want that to be us…I don't want…I don't want anyone to take this from me." She confessed as a single tear slipped down her cheek.

He reached out and caught the tear with his index finger. "They can't."

She sniffed and nodded her head. "I know. I know, but…I don't want you to be hurt either."

He smiled gently. "I'm a pretty tough guy."

"Really?" she asked, thinking about the time he yelped girlishly when one of her coworkers accidentally dropped a stapler off her desk and it exploded on the tile floor.

"Emotionally tough," he clarified at her skepticism. "Especially when I need to be. C'mere," he encouraged as he pulled her into a hug. Stroking his hands down her back he asked, "Do you want me to not shadow you anymore?"

She gave his waist a tight squeeze. "No."

"Good I don't want that either. Is there anything else I should do?"

"No. No, I…" She sighed and took a step back to collect herself once more. "I think I just overreacted a little bit about this; I doubt its all of my coworkers who feel this way and even if they do, we can deal with it. We'll be ok."

"Of course we will. Anything else I can do before I go?"

"No."

"Okay…how about a special dinner tonight at my place? Steaks, grilled veggies, maybe some wine…"

She smiled. "Well I definitely won't say no to that."

"Great." He leaned in and kissed her forehead before saying, "See you later!"

Kate lagged behind in the breakroom, taking one last look at the napkin and then throwing it in the trash—and making sure it actually went in that time. Castle was right. No one could take her happiness from her without her permission, and she definitely was not going to let go of it any time soon.

* * *

"You know what I'm most thrilled about regarding our conversation earlier today?"

Kate gazed up at her boyfriend as he walked out of the bathroom now wearing the t-shirt and boxers he intended to sleep in. After a lovely evening during which they had spent some time eating dinner and chatting with his daughter before retreating to his bedroom for more intimate activities, they had decided to call it a night. He asked that she stay, and she had agreed so she had been waiting for her turn in the bathroom for the prior few minutes.

"You mean about that note?" She asked; he bobbed his head. "Well, probably that I actually talked to you about what I was feeling instead of just keeping it all in." That was the thing she was most proud of herself for and hoped she would continue to do in the future—with his encouragement of course.

He knelt down on his side of the bed. "That was good, but no, I meant when you said this is the happiest you've ever felt."

A smile blossomed on her face and she knew her cheeks were probably a little pink, but she didn't care. "It really is. I... ever since I was sixteen I didn't think having a relationship with a man was even possible and I...I just sort of adapted to being alone. I never thought I'd want this or, if I'm being honest, enjoy it if I had it, but it do. It's...kind of amazing." Due to an extreme lack of opportunity, Kate never gave much thought to having a boyfriend, though when she did on occasion think about it, it was within the context of how much work it would be. Coordinating schedules, making sure the other person agreed to plans—it all seemed like a lot of work. While she was still getting used to some aspects of their new relationship, Kate knew before it even began that the benefits would far outweigh the negatives.

"Well, I definitely agree with that," he said before kissing her.

When she pulled back, her expression was slightly uncertain. "Really? even though you've done this before?"

He shrugged and then nodded. "Every relationship is different but this one feels...extraordinary."

"I'm glad. I'll be right back," she said before hopping off the bed and grabbing the small toiletry case that she was now keeping in her purse in case of impromptu sleep-overs.

After washing off her makeup and brushing her teeth, Kate returned to the bedroom and put the toiletries back into her purse, only to hear her partner say, "You can leave some stuff here, you know."

"Hmm?" she replied, not entirely sure what he meant.

He gestured towards her purse as he spoke. "I know it's only been two weeks since we started spending nights together, but I also know you haven't done this before, so I just wanted to make sure you know: it's okay to leave stuff here. Toothbrush, toothpaste, hairbrush…whatever you need."

"Oh, um." She glanced briefly back to her purse and then climbed up on the bed to sit beside him. "Thanks. I'm glad you said something because I wasn't quite sure how this all worked." She didn't really have an issue with her toiletry case—particularly not when they were still "easing in" as she requested, but she also knew it would be a bit old after a while, particularly since though they weren't rushing in to anything, it was not as though they had just met; she was very comfortable around him and believed he felt the same.

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "I figured."

Feeling suddenly embarrassed, she confessed, "I feel kind of silly. Like I should know some of this stuff."

"How could you?"

"I don't know. Is there a manual I could read?"

"There's no manual for life, but that's okay—it would ruin the fun."

She nodded as she slipped her feet beneath the covers. "I suppose it would." As she arranged herself beneath the sheet, she could not help but chuckle softly at a recollection she had from the day before. He picked up on it and asked, "What's with the smile?"

"Nothing."

"C'mon. Share."

Biting down on her bottom lip, she said, "It's silly just…I was thinking about what my mom said the other day. We were talking about relationships and you and me and how even though all this scares me a little bit it's the good kind of scared because I'm also so happy. She told me her favorite part of relationships—the thing she misses the most—are these little conversations before bed. Decompressing from the day. Chatting about random things. She said they become the most meaningful and I think she's totally right."

"She is—at least in my experience. Nothing better than relaxing with someone you trust, someone you know you can say anything to."

She one hundred percent felt that he was that person, but also knew that because of her tendency to keep feelings to herself, he may not have been entirely aware of those feelings, so she decided to be very clear about them by saying, "I trust you."

"And I you," he replied before giving her a sweet kiss. Then, he reached over and turned out the lamp beside the bed.

Kate slipped beneath the covers, curled her hand around his bicep and gave it a squeeze. "Goodnight, Castle."

"Until tomorrow, Kate," he replied and then they both drifted off to sleep, the smiles never leaving their faces.

* * *

 **A/N** : First thank you all for being patient with this story as it got disrupted by holiday fics. There is an epilogue and i will post that tomorrow just so this doesnt drag out any longer :)

Then I'll post another part of my super strange ficlet...and then hopefully we'll move on to another multi chap :)

thanks for all your reviews!


	10. Chapter 10

**Epilogue**

Standing on the balcony of the Hamptons beach estate, Kate moved her hands from the railing to the ever-growing swell of her belly beneath her dressed and danced her fingertips gently across the bump. The day itself was idyllic: eighty-four degrees with low humidity and a light sea breeze dancing through the air; the sun shining brilliantly above them. They could not have asked for a better day for their picnic, which would take place at a home so gorgeous most days she could hardly believe it was hers—well, theirs. Three years earlier Kate could never have imagined such a moment taking place in her life, but now she couldn't imagine _not_ having moments like that one and for that she had never been more grateful.

"Kate? You ready, love?"

She turned her head to see her husband ascending the stairs to the porch from the side yard and she smile at him. "Yeah…ah, yes; yes. Just a little bit nervous, I guess."

"Why nervous?" he asked when he came up beside her, place his large hand on her belly, and gave it a little rub. "This is the most fun part!"

When he wiggled his eyebrows at her she laughed and said, "You mean especially since we're not doing as my mother suggested and waiting to find out."

"Precisely." With that, he grabbed her hand and led her down to the area of the yard where their family and friends waited. As they walked, she thought briefly about all last significant life moment she had in that same space when Castle proposed to her.

That weekend was far from the first she'd spent at the Hamptons estate, but it had started out as the most interesting long before the proposal took place. It originally started as just the two of them on a brief retreat, but then his mother had showed up with a new boyfriend in tow. Castle had seemed disproportionally annoyed, though in hindsight she realized that was only because her arrival had disrupted the original proposal plan, which involved dinner, great wine, and filling almost the entire downstairs with vanilla-scented candles. In the end, the proposal still involved dinner and great wine, but they'd been forced to escape to the back yard due to the loud volume of the laughter coming from the room of his mother and her companion. They'd been seated side-by-side on chairs in front of a burning fire when Castle stunned her in to speechlessness by getting down on one knee before her. Truly, she had never thought he would propose as she thought they were both happy with the state of their relationship as it was, but she also never once thought about saying no.

In the light of that significant moment, they later floated the idea of marrying in the Hamptons as well, and it had certainly been in the running, but then Kate visited and fell in love with a romantic rooftop venue in the city. Considering that was more practical for their guests, it was the one they went with, but she always believed she would have been happy with either. As such, she was glad Castle had suggested the Hamptons location to let their family know whether their baby would be a boy or a girl.

As someone who did not want to flaunt her personal life, Kate had been staunchly against the gender reveal party. They could find out at the doctor's office during the ultrasound like normal people. But that wasn't what her husband wanted—and he knew exactly how to get his way. Ultimately, she relented, as long as he kept the guest list below twenty invitees, which he agreed to. Now that the moment was upon them, butterflies filled her stomach.

Kate truly did not have a preference for the gender of the baby she carried. She and Castle had discussed their future both after they became engaged and after their wedding, and they agreed to have at least two children together. Knowing that, she thought she might care a bit more for the second baby, so they could have both a boy and a girl, but for the first, all she wanted was a healthy child.

Castle led the way to their decorated picnic table on which sat a cardboard box that would either be filled with blue or pink balloons. As they needed someone to facilitate that surprise, Alexis had immediately volunteered, so she was the only one of their group that knew the baby's gender—and had teased her father about that fact quite thoroughly for the prior ten days.

"Um, excuse me—if I could have everyone's attention." Castle spoke loudly over the low hum of conversation until all eyes were on the parents-to-be. "Thank you all so much for coming today. It really means so much to Kate and I to be surrounded by someone who loves us and is just as excited about this baby as we are. You know, it's times like this that-"

"Dad come on!" Alexis groaned loudly. "Speech later—just open the box!"

Kate chuckled as he looked momentarily annoyed, but then agreed and reached out for the box. He looked at Kate, smiled, and then instructed her to grab the opposite side of the box opening, which was only loosely taped together. "Ready?"

"Ready." She echoed as her heart began to hammer.

"On three then. One. Two. Three!"

As soon as she heard the cue, Kate pulled hard on her side of the box flaps. Castle did the same, and just one second later, three bright blue balloons made their way out into the open and the whole group began to clap.

"Oh Kate!" Castle rubbed his hand over his mouth before turning to her with tears in his eyes. "A son; we're having a son!"

She pulled him in for a hug and said into his ear, "I know it's what you wanted." He had never really spoken as much aloud, but from the way he'd gravitated towards the blue-colored items as they shopped, and made a few mentions of playing baseball, she suspected he wanted to have a boy next, which only made sense because he already had a daughter.

"Oh, no I…" He sniffed had pulled back from their embrace enough to meet her eye. "I didn't care—either would have been…but…I love you so much!"

She smiled and kissed him, "I love you, too."

Fifteen minutes later, after everyone had congratulated and hugged them, and the cake had been cut and passed out, Kate stood off to the side of the yard, hand on her belly as she watched the blue balloons bump together in the wind. She thought about how much she already loved the little boy inside her, and how she could not wait to meet him. More than that, though, she could not wait for him to meet his father, and to watch her husband be an incredible father.

For Kate, the evolution of her relationship with Castle had been as unexpected as it was wonderful. She surprised herself again and again with how happy she was being in a relationship since she had become so accustomed to being alone for the majority of her adult life. Sure, they had some rough points, particularly near the beginning. She found herself struggling to be as "all in" as she wanted to be simply because of her instinctual desire to protect her heart, but in hindsight her fears were silly. She had learned very quickly that no one in the world would love her the way Richard Castle did. She loved him as well, more and more with each day, and with each new phase of their life.

"Oh Katie—look at you; you're just glowing."

A light chuckle escaped her lips as she looked over at her approaching mother. She nodded and continued to hold her stomach. "I know—who would have thought pregnancy agrees with me this much?" Due to the lack of men, Kate had not known very many pregnant women before she and Castle decided to start their family. As such she was nervous about morning sickness, raging hormones, and her belly expanding to the point where she feared it would explode. Since she was only halfway through her pregnancy, her belly was still a concern, but her morning sickness had been minimal, and other than being more tired than usual, she felt great. In fact, she had just felt the little guy move significantly for the first time the day before, and though it was slightly strange, she definitely looked forward to him growing and moving more…at least until he started to use her internal organs as playthings.

Johanna hugged her daughter and then gave her stomach a little pat. "I'm just so happy to see you so happy."

"Me too. I just…you know I never once thought seriously about having a husband and children, let alone a fairytale like this but somehow I got it and it's—oh." She snuffled and quickly swiped at the tears flowing from both eyes before grumbling towards her belly. "Damn hormones. You're a boy you shouldn't make me cry this much!"

Johanna laughed and said, "Hate to break it to you, but they make you cry no matter their gender."

"I know I know…I'm…I'm really excited to meet him." Kate said softly to her mother and Johanna nodded.

"We all are. Especially you're husband."

That time, she groaned. "Oh god…he's going to be out of control now that we know it's a boy but…" Smiling broadly at the mere notion she added, "I really can't wait."

* * *

 **A/N** : thank you all so much for reading and for all your kind reviews!


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